One step until we break
by Temper01
Summary: One mistake causes Quinn to lose Santana; but can she save her marriage?
1. Chapter 1

This is a new story, I haven't forgotten about my other story. I will be completing that within the next few weeks. I hope you like this story, as I have been planning this for some time.

Prologue – 'How we became about'

5th May 2014

Santana rushed out of her Politics class; holding her books tightly; as she fumbled with her bag, watching her time. She mumbled a fuck as she realised she was late once again. Pushing the door open, to the Starbucks on the other side of campus. Walking over to the corner table, she smirked at the familiar blonde hair and dumped her stuff down.

"I'm so sorry. My class got out late." Santana mumbled while pulling her jacket off

"It's fine... I'm here for a few days anyway; not like I'm not used to your laziness."

Santana looked up, meeting the clearest blue she had ever saw; she smiled at the playfully glint which sparkled; she leaned over and took Brittany's cup, sipping it lightly; she hummed in approval.

"And who taught you to like black coffee?"

"You did." Brittany rolled her eyes, and took her coffee back, "So how are you?"

Santana bit her bottom lip; knowing Brittany meant since they had broken up; it was a mutual decision, but it still hurts, breaking up with the girl you had shared everything with; well nearly everything. The only person you had ever been in love with wasn't yours anymore; and you weren't hers. She knew Brittany would be okay; she was much stronger than everyone gave her credit for; and Santana on the other hand, she had struggled hard in college. She had learned that she wasn't as social as she deemed herself in high school.

"It's so hard." Santana croaked out, her eyes cloudy with unshed tears; Brittany immediately wrapped her arms around Santana, rubbing her back in a soothing manner; "I hate it, Britt."

Santana pulled away, wiping her eyes roughly with her sleeve; Brittany squeezed her hand affectionately.

"Can I do anything to help?" Brittany offered, carefully cleaning Santana's eyes with a tissue, avoiding smudging her mascara anymore, "San, you're a great person. Everyone would be so lucky to have you in their life. I wouldn't lie."

"You have to lie, Britt. I'm your best friend." Santana mumbled, looking down at her lap; Brittany laughed

"Exactly, you're my best friend... you have been for like 12 years." Brittany squeezed Santana's knee, earning a small smile, "Why is so hard?"

"Everyone hates me... I'm a freak here." Brittany shook her head, stroking her fingers through Santana's hair, she scratched from the front of her scalp to her nape; in a familiar action used to comfort her.

"You're not a freak. Trust me; you're so hot San... and you're such a nice person; you just... you're just hard to get to know... It took me a long time to get to know you; and I adore the person I found inside."

Santana laughed; she threw her arms around Brittany's waist, kissing her cheek softly, mumbling a thank you; as Brittany rubbed her hand delicately against her lower back.

"What about you? College?" Santana asked, anything to get the attention of her, and on to Brittany; who smiled brightly, and knowingly of Santana's plan.

"It's so great... I met Rachel the other week, you know... her and Kurt live together."

Santana scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"Trust Berry, I guess."

"She's really nice actually; she's kinda hot."

Santana grimaced, and slapped Brittany's thigh lightly; "Britt, you're making me feel sick."

"She is... Do you wanna come out tonight? We're going to that new club..." Brittany smiled hopeful that Santana would agree, even though they weren't girlfriends anymore; she still respected Santana enough; and worried about her constantly; she knew college had been a hard deal for Santana, after she moved from California, to New York; transferring to NYU at the start of her second year; now nearly the end of her second year; and she was still much the same outsider from nearly a year ago.

"I have nothing better to do." Santana mumbled, gathering the idea that tonight was going to end bad no matter what she said; Brittany squealed in excitement, already planning the night ahead; "Britt, don't go crazy tonight. I'd much rather hang out with you; considering you're leaving in a few days."

"Oh San. I'm here for a few days, now's the time to get crazy. Besides, it's not like you'll remember tomorrow anyway."

Santana groaned, covering her face with her hands; as Brittany smirked slyly; finishing her coffee; she helped Santana carry her books back to her dorm room; Santana stopped Brittany before they opened the door.

"I kinda forgot to tell you that... My roommate... is Alex." Santana's teeth now scraping along her bottom lip; surprisingly Brittany just nodded, and pulled on the handle, opening the door; Santana shook her head and walked inside; walking immediately over towards her bed; she dumped her stuff on it.

"Hey, you're back.." Alex murmured, walking out of the bathroom, towel drying her hair; she stopped when she saw Brittany standing by the wall, looking at Santana's wall of a few pictures; "You brought a pet back, Lopez?"

Brittany spun round, until she met Alex, "Hi."

"Hey, I'm Alex..."

"She's Britt... You know my best friend... I told you she was coming." Santana said, Alex nodded and smiled but sitting on Santana's bed, still drying her hair; "Britt, go pick me out something to wear."

Brittany smiled and bounced off towards Santana's wardrobe; Santana was putting her books away, when she felt Alex's hand on her wrist, tugging her to sit.

"Isn't Brittany the name of your ex-girlfriend?"

"And best friend... Alex, I told you this about a billion times." Santana stressed, putting her books back, "You never listen to anything I say." Santana added in a mutter; not noticing Alex stifle a laugh

"Because you normally over talk after we fuck. No my fault your mouth only useful for one thing." Alex joked, Santana rolled her eyes too used to Alex's somewhat unfunny humour; "Kidding, chill. Lopez... Don't get your panties in a bunch."

Brittany walked over with a black dress; she passed it to Santana who smiled.

"It'll look gorgeous on you." Brittany murmured, while looking over at Alex who was checking her nails out; as if it was more entertaining; "I've texted Rach... and we can meet them at 9."

"Sounds good... We can go to your hotel; and finish getting ready. You need to grab your dress."

"Okay." Brittany smiled, realising Santana looked uncomfortable; she looked from Santana to Alex; and like a light bulb, she then realised Alex was Santana's roommate, "Oh my god... You're sleeping with her?"

Alex's jaw dropped; Santana went bright red; as Brittany grimaced with the mental image.

"Britt!" Santana muttered, before looking at Alex who was shocked Brittany said it; "I'm sorry... She wasn't supposed to tell anyone."

Alex nodded, and smiled politely; "Whatever."

Santana shook her head, as Alex walked over to her bed, and lied down; "Come on, Britt. We can go now." said Santana, grabbing her dress, and shoes; she immediately walked to the door; and Brittany followed; they went back to Brittany's hotel room.

Santana and Brittany arrived at the club at around half 9; they met Rachel and Kurt; and Santana instantly saw Quinn Fabray, in the flesh; she was dancing alone. She looked good. emphasise on the good. Santana couldn't believe she actually felt something for someone; and it was Quinn. It was wrong; but she looked so right. Santana muttered something about Quinn, and dance; before leaving Brittany; and walked directly towards Quinn; who hadn't noticed her.

"Hi." Santana murmured behind Quinn's ear; making her quickly turn round to see who it was; Quinn's eyes soften immediately; and she offered a small smile; before tugging Santana by her arm closer.

"Hey Santana." Quinn whispered, directly to her ear; making sure the loud music didn't drown it out; Santana smiled to herself; letting her hands guild Quinn's hips to the beat; "I haven't seen you in a while."

"The same could be said for you... Wanna talk?" Santana asked hopefully; she needed to talk to Quinn, she needed to see her again; and again... and hopefully forever.

"Aren't we doing that?" Quinn quipped

"You know what I meant." Santana said; before pulling away slightly; to see her expression; Quinn's eyes were fading, almost closing; as she worked herself to the beat.

"You look miserable." Quinn murmured, opening her eyes fully to meet curious chocolate; she smirked; "You are, aren't you?"

"It's not funny." Santana remarked; turning to storm off; Quinn stopped her; gripping her wrist tightly

"No, Santana. I didn't mean it like that... I just... I am too, okay? I hate... life. It sucks..." Quinn spoke honestly; "I miss high school; although that sucked too... but hey! At least, I wasn't mugged or bullied... I don't get why...-"

Quinn stopped, noticing the concern in Santana's eyes; she just couldn't continue; she just smiled; and suggested a drink; Santana followed her to the bar.

"I know what you mean. Life does suck... who would have thought we would hate college; after practically ruling high school? No one cares that I graduate third in my class; no one cares I can speak 3 languages fluently; no one cares I was captain of William McKinley Cheerios... I haven't told anyone this... but I didn't leave California for myself; I left because they forced me out." Santana just let the words flow from her mouth; she didn't even realise she was speaking so decently; "I couldn't take one more day where I had to clean 'Dyke' from my dorm room door... My phone fell out of my bag, Britt and me were my screen saver in the orientation... and the bullying started."

Santana looked at Quinn, and saw tears in her hazel eyes; Quinn looked away, and sniffled softly.

"Once we broke up... I guess, the bullying was... for nothing. I transferred to NYU... and everyone still hates me... only now I have no one to call to escape it." Santana said softly; "Anyway... You look... nice. I guess I haven't seen you since graduation... The Party Mike threw."

"Yeah... that was last time... for all of you; except Rachel." Quinn replied; sipping her Cosmopolitan slowly, "I have missed everyone..."

"No you haven't." Santana muttered

"Yes, I have." said Quinn, "You, Britt... we did everything together... Then things got fucked up... with Beth, and you coming out. We just didn't need each other; you needed Britt."

"Who did you need?"

"I don't know." Quinn sipped her drink, glancing a look at Santana, who was staring over at the table, where their friends were; "What happened with you and Britt?"

Santana laughed humourlessly, "Can't we save that kind of ordeal for another time? I'm so messed us, Quinn." Quinn nodded, and sipped the rest of drink, ordering another one; Santana swallowed softly; "Are you busy tomorrow?"

Quinn smiled coyly; she nodded faintly; "We can go for coffee if you want... I'd love to catch up; now we're both in New York."

Santana nodded, slightly gnawing against the inside of her cheek; she looked down and met Quinn's hand on top of her; their eyes met instantly. The connection of skin on skin; it warmed Santana; she had missed the feeling of safety; which surprisingly she felt with Quinn.

"You look beautiful." Quinn murmured affectionately; her eyes slowly running down Santana's outline; normally it would make her feel self-conscious; but Santana smiled at Quinn; and leaned forward, brushing Quinn's hair from her ear.

"I knew you were a pressed lemon." Santana whispered, hearing Quinn laugh breathlessly; she turned and their lips connected lightly; their eyes instantly closing; Quinn parted her lips; letting Santana's tongue drag against her bottom lip, before slipping inside, Quinn smiled into the kiss; and she gripped Santana's neck, tugging her closer. The kiss symbolising everything; that they wouldn't suffer alone; that they were there for each other. Santana pulled back, and Quinn opened her eyes; both of them wearing matching smiles, as they felt the so called fireworks. Nothing needed saying, they knew things between them wasn't normal, not anymore. They both needed someone; they could depend on each other.

"_Flash forward and we're taking on the world together..."_


	2. Chapter 2

18th December 2020 

"6 days, 9 hours and 36 minutes, since I last saw my wife." Quinn thought sombrely as Rachel quickly stirred their coffee; she placed a mug in front of Quinn, she leaned forward; and slowly sipped it, Rachel had come round every day to talk to Quinn about her relationship since Santana moved out; and Rachel politely asked things that were important, whether Santana had come home or called; even though she knew everything already; she knew Quinn needed someone to vent to; as this ordeal was hurting her just as much as Santana.

"She's not coming home. It's been nearly a week. It's over… we're over." said Quinn as she looked at everything but Rachel's eyes, that she knew would be filled with pity; she didn't need pity; it was her fault, she was the one to blame, and Quinn knew this; she had long accepted this; she needed Santana; not pity.

"She will come back, you know? She's just upset… understandable. I think you should try calling her." Rachel offered her some advice; knowing things were still tense between Quinn and Santana; given the fact Santana hadn't talked to Quinn since last week; and Quinn hadn't made any contact, scared of the response.

"And say what? I'm sorry… please come home. It's Santana, she knows me; she's knows I'm dying inside." said Quinn, looking at her coffee, it was a chocolate brown colour; and instantly reminded Quinn of Santana's eyes; she sighed and looked up, "I made a mistake... I just... How can you fix something when you don't know how."

Rachel shrugged; she had no advice; and knew Quinn needed to solve this on her own; Quinn bit her bottom lip; the constant itch of loneliness creeping up on her; she snapped her eyes onto Rachel.

"How is she?" Quinn asked, hoping Rachel would be honest; Rachel looked around, not knowing whether Santana would want her to tell Quinn, "I know Santana's there. Is she okay?" Quinn added in a low murmur.

"Quinn, she's hardly there and when she is; she stays in the spare bedroom, or falls asleep with Britt on the couch." said Rachel, "She's not okay… I find it stupid, you would even ask that."

"I know… Can I come and see her?" said Quinn, "I'll wait until she comes from work."

"She's due home in half an hour… Although I find this a terrible idea, you're welcome to try and talk to her." said Rachel standing up; Quinn nodded, and slowly the nerves of seeing her wife again; Quinn got inside Rachel's car, and they drove to Brittany and Rachel's house; Quinn followed Rachel inside. The house was beautiful; it summed both Rachel and Brittany up; with just the right amount of each other, to balance the atmosphere. Quinn bit her lip, slowly squeezing her own hand in the hope; her nerves would stop; it was Santana she was waiting for; she had spent the last 13 years knowing her; but Quinn was terrified of Santana's reaction; she had seen Santana angry, jealous, happy, sad... but the memory of Santana being hurt beyond words; it was probably the most haunting of reactions. Suddenly Quinn was snapped out of her thoughts, as Rachel pulled Brittany back into the kitchen, she heard Brittany shouting loudly about her being a horrible person, and about Santana deserving better; Quinn sunk her head in agreement; Santana did deserve better; Rachel returned, and offered Quinn a small smile.

"Britt has a lot of work to finish." said Rachel smiling sadly as even she knew that lie was rubbish, "Good news is she's not gonna tell Santana you're here."

Quinn nodded

"I'm making a mistake, aren't I? If she wanted to see me, she would came home." said Quinn

"It's not really a home for her… is it?" snapped Brittany appearing at the fridge; her hands covered in blue paint; Rachel looked torn, between her girlfriend; and her best friend; wanting to mediate.

"Britt…-"said Quinn

"Don't bother. Save your stupid excuses and pathetic apologises for Santana." said Brittany sipping her vitamin water, "I'll be in the back."

Brittany leaned up and kissed Rachel's cheek, before walking out. Quinn sighed, Brittany was scary whenever it came to protecting Santana, and she was so frightened by Brittany then, it just led her to wonder how angry Santana would still be. Suddenly she was leaning against the kitchen counter; Rachel helped her sit on the couch, and offered her some water.

"Here… Just Relax." said Rachel soothing Quinn's arms; "Santana would be glad to see you're alright; I mean... She loves you, Quinn."

"For how long?" snapped Quinn pushing Rachel's hands away; and slamming her own hands on the kitchen table; "For how long until I screw up again and love isn't enough to fix this?"

Rachel shrugged her shoulders; "You love her, Quinn. You wouldn't be here if you didn't... You just made a mistake."

Quinn shook her head, as if she was giving up; Rachel touched Quinn's hand.

"Maybe you can fix this… counselling or therapy?" said Rachel trying to offer suitable suggestions to Quinn, who just lightly smiled and shook her head, knowing Santana inside out, she was just not that type.

"Does Santana look the type to go to either of those?" said Quinn, with a quirked eyebrow

"Britt mentioned Santana went to counselling when her father passed away." Rachel murmured, wiping her hands on a towel; before placing it on the table; Quinn looked at her, in utter shock; she had never been told about this before; I mean she knew Santana handled her father's death hard but counselling was never brought up.

"You didn't know?" said Rachel noticing Quinn's reaction

"I guess it slipped her mind…" said Quinn

"You don't think something like would remain important for your wife to know?" said Rachel

"I haven't been much of a wife." Quinn replied; Rachel shook her head, getting ready to argue; but she let it slide; "I miss her so much."

"Oh please?" scoffed Brittany walking inside the room, Quinn slowly looked at Brittany, her features were exactly the same as always, yet Brittany had changed towards her, her whole attitude had changed, Quinn wasn't surprised Brittany was Santana's best friend after all.

"What?" said Quinn, not wanting to have an argument with Brittany, especially since Santana was due to arrive any minute now, and she was already nervous about that, not to mention Santana's reaction to her verbally attacking her best friend; Quinn was taking deep breaths and was trying to relax but Brittany's silence was making her feel even more awkward, Quinn snapped; her voice differently louder, "What?"

"Don't you dare snap at me!" said Brittany, "After everything you've done! You're not even worth it… You think you can come here, and win her back; well try a little harder, Quinn. She wouldn't have left if you were worth it… I thought you would be different; I thought you actually cared about someone else for once. You're still that scared little girl in high school."

"Britt!" said Rachel wrapping her arms around her waist, "Calm down… okay?"

"No… it's not okay. You know how I feel, you know how San feels… why the hell did you let her come?" said Brittany struggling to break free from Rachel's tight grip around her waist

"She wants to see her wife… I can't stop her from coming; either way… do you really want Quinn waiting outside for Santana?" said Rachel

"She doesn't have to." said Brittany

"Why not?" said Rachel with a confused expression; Brittany rolled her eyes as if the answer was obvious; Brittany looked towards the front door.

"Because she stood at the front door." said Brittany, just like that all eyes snapped straight to the beautiful Latina, who was leaning against the front door, her hair slightly wavy and skimming down her shoulders, she was wearing a white blouse, which hugged her chest, and black trousers, Santana slowly bit her bottom lip nervously.

"Santana…" said Rachel letting go of Brittany, who immediately walked over to her

"I tried to make her leave." said Brittany looking into Santana's eyes, Quinn couldn't help but feel jealous towards Brittany as Santana was being so affectionate towards her best friend

"I know you did Britt." said Santana smiling, Brittany smiled, and nuzzled her head into Santana's neck, as she urged her for a hug, Santana took her hint and lightly hugged her; her eyes snapping to Quinn, as soon as hazel met dark brown, Santana looked away.

"San…-"said Quinn softly; her voice laced with love; the concern made Santana shy away; she couldn't handle Quinn being here.

"W-What are you doing here?" Santana stuttered, a little shocked but her tone enveloping the mask of appearance; she avoided Quinn's eyes, and focused on everything else.

"I needed to see you." Quinn blurted out quickly; hating the way the room was tensing up; it was like the room was full of strangers; feeling her skin burn under Santana's deathly gaze

"I can't... I can't do this." Santana mumbled before storming back outside the front door; Quinn didn't wait for Rachel or Brittany to stop her; and she immediately ran after Santana; who was walking down the block; Quinn jogged after her; she without even realising let her fingers wrap around Santana's wrist; tugging her into stopping.

Santana's eyes glued to Quinn's fingers that were still wrapped around her wrist; Quinn followed Santana's focus and saw her hand; she slowly released her hand.

"I'm sorry-"Quinn started

"I don't wanna hear it." Santana interrupted her; her voice faking a sturdy confidence, as she fell apart inside; she wasn't expecting this. She wasn't expecting Quinn to show up; unannounced.

"I know... I just... I am." Quinn said, trying not to cry; but the tears had already fallen down her now moist cheeks; Santana didn't look at her; focusing on the houses on the opposite direction; she heard Quinn sniffle softly.

"Why are you here, _Quinn_?" Santana said; Quinn could taste the contempt on the way Santana poke her name; she swallowed whatever apology she was going to say.

"I needed to see you... It's been a week; I was worried about-"Quinn said

"You weren't worried about me. Don't lie to me; you don't give a fuck about me!" Santana snapped; her body humming in anger; Quinn nodded slightly, almost timidly in the hope of not pissing Santana off anymore; "Do me a favour Quinn... Stay away from me."

Santana didn't even wait for Quinn to reply; or offer any agreement or acknowledgment; before she ripped her car door open; and slammed it shut; she then drove off; not looking back at Quinn who was stood in the same position.

Quinn walked back to Rachel and Brittany's; she reached the front porch when she met Brittany's presence; she was biting her bottom lip; and Quinn noticed the worry in her blonde eyes among something else.

"She asked me to stay away... So I guess I'll be going. Tell Rach not to bother coming over; I have a lot of work this week; so I'll be too busy."

Brittany nodded, not even meeting Quinn's existence; Quinn just lightly nodded; and went to walk away; "She's thinking about moving back to California."

Quinn snapped her head round at the Brittany's indiscretion; revealing a detail like that after Santana had basically told her to leave alone. She then recognised the fear swirling in Brittany's eyes; the fear of losing her best friend if Santana did move back to California.

"She got offered a job at some big shot Lawyer firm. They offered her partnership... It's what she wants; what she deserves." Brittany spoke; she slowly sniffled, knowing she had to do this; she had to tell Quinn.

"I would never stop her." Quinn muttered; "If that's what you think."

Brittany laughed humourlessly; "Do you think I want her to leave? She's my best friend, Quinn."

"I know."

Brittany closed the front door behind her; she moved forward and leaned against the wooden beam supporting the front porch. She breathed out slowly; avoiding looking over at Quinn; for the moment.

"She's moving because she thinks she has nothing here. The same reason she left California during college..." Brittany said; meeting Quinn's gaze; "What are you gonna do?"

"Nothing." Quinn said softly after a few seconds of silence; Brittany quirked her eyebrow up in surprise; "I can't force her to stay... She deserves this like you said... She has nothing here, right?"

Brittany scoffed; and walked back to the front door; she snapped it open; and looked back at Quinn.

"Was it worth it?"

Quinn shook her head

"No." Quinn murmured

Brittany nodded faintly; and slammed the door after her. Quinn took her acknowledgment and began walking home; trying to quench the anger she felt at Santana for leaving; the hatred she felt at herself for forcing Santana into making that decision. She reached her home; and looked up; she saw the house Santana fell in love with; the house she learned to love just for Santana; and ultimately the house she had alone; nothing more than the messed up child she was in high school. The only difference was she could have been saved and she chosen not to. Quinn walked inside; closing the door but not locking it; she walked through to the front room. She laughed humourlessly as she picked up a photo of her wedding day; Santana looked so beautiful; she couldn't remember a time she was so happy than on that day. She remembered that when things went all wrong. Quinn bit her lip as she acknowledged her wedding as the catalyst of her making it her ambition to hurt Santana. It was intentional; it was just a collective state of events which in turn led her to the 12th December; ultimately the crucial moment. Santana slammed the door; causing the house to let out a haunting thud in the silence of one ruined marriage.

"_I didn't come here to hurt you... now I can't stop."_

All Reviews are loved; I hope people are reading; and are enjoying the story so far; any suggestions are welcome


	3. Oh Mother

19th December 2020

Santana slammed her folder down on the desk in frustration; as she bit her lip trying to stay calm.

"I just told you... I never received that." Santana said; she hummed as her client mumbled something about sending it again soon; "Okay... Bye Mr Davis."

Santana pulled her Bluetooth headset off; and pulled her drawer out; she put the folder back and closed it; she then reached for the top drawer; and opened it slowly; reaching it; her fingers tease the corners of the document; she sighed sadly.

"Santana?" The Intercom beeped; Santana closed the drawer; and pressed on the answer button

"What's wrong Jane?" Santana asked

"Charlotte's here for your 11 o'clock appointment." Jane replied

"Okay, send her in." said Santana

The door opened and Charlotte walked in; she was about average height; a little taller than Santana; with medium length blonde; she was wearing a similar outfit to Santana; who stood up and shook her hand, offering her to sit.

"Thanks for coming." said Santana

"It's nothing... You needed my help right?" Charlotte said with a soft smile; "Have you got the file signed?"

"Not yet... I just..." Santana stopped speaking when she noticed Charlotte sympathetic smile; "And now, I've wasted your time... as well."

"You're not wasting my time at all. You asked me for help; and I agreed... I know this is hard for you... and I am willing to meet for however long it takes." said Charlotte; "You haven't told her have you?"

Santana shook her head

"I can barely stand looking at her; never mind spending time with her." said Santana

Charlotte nodded; thinking of a solution for Santana's problem

"How about if I got her to sign?" Charlotte suggested; noticing the torn expression of Santana's face, obviously torn between what was easier on her; and what Quinn deserved; "It's too hard for you; she'll understand."

"I can't send you... alone." said Santana; "I need to go with you... I would never forgive myself otherwise."

"Okay; so how about now?" Charlotte enquired with a comforting smile; Santana bit her bottom lip in thought; "It's better to get it over with as early as possible... Gives you to start afresh in California."

"I don't know if I'm leaving yet." said Santana

"Either way, you still want this don't you?" said Charlotte

"Yes." said Santana, she looked down at the drawer; and pulled it open; taking the file out; she then closed it and stood up; she smiled at Charlotte who began walking to the door. They walked out; and took the elevator down to the ground floor. Charlotte called a taxi; and they went to 112 North street; the address of the New York Post publishing office; they got out; and walked inside.

"She's on the second floor." Santana murmured as Charlotte leaned into her; as they stood in the elevator; the doors opened on the second floor; and they walked out. Santana stood still; Quinn's office door was closed; she swallowed softly; when Charlotte touched her lower back; breaking her out of her trance.

"Come on, you're this far, Santana." said Charlotte

Santana nodded; and walked forward; ignoring Quinn's assistant Charlie; she knocked on the door firmly.

"She asked for no interruptions." Charlie said with a raised voice; Santana snapped her attention around towards her; with a firm glare; the door opened; and Quinn stood in surprise at Santana being at her office; "Quinn, I was just telling her how you asked for no interruptions."

"She's my wife; she can interrupted whenever she wants. Understand?" Quinn said sternly; Charlie nodded embarrassedly; and Santana looked towards Quinn.

"I'm not here for a social visit. Can I come inside?" said Santana

"Of course..." said Quinn stepping out of her way; Santana turned around and Charlotte nodded; and understanding Santana needed to do this alone; Quinn quirked her eyebrow up at stranger who Santana silently communicated to; but walked after Santana; closing her office door; she walked back to her seat; and sat down; "What's... Is something wrong?"

Santana squeezed her hands; a trait she always did when she was nervous among other states; she shook her head.

"Nothing's wrong besides the obvious." said Santana, looking up and meeting Quinn's careful gaze; she placed the file in front of Quinn; who looked down and after a few seconds nodded in what Santana guessed was what she assumed would happen eventually; Quinn rubbed her temple; she wanted to say something; to break the now unbearable atmosphere; she wanted to ease Santana's conscious; that this wasn't her fault; but hers, that things were going to end bad from the very start; and there was nothing Santana could do to change that.

Quinn didn't say anything; she picked up her pen; and quickly scratched the nib against the paper; she then placed the pen down; and handed Santana the file back. Santana scoffed slightly; but said nothing; she got up and walked to the door; she turned the handle and looked back; Quinn had her face buried into her palms.

"I expected you to fight..." Santana murmured softly; almost affectionately; Quinn's head snapped up; her eyes wet and looked wild in surprise that Santana would say that; "I mean... You just gave up; like you do everything else... So easily. No hint of remorse or guilt; you're dead, Quinn."

Quinn blinked softly; her tears running down her cheeks; and landing on her jaw; she kept her mouth closed.

"You may be alive; and everything... but you're so miserable; you might as well be dead." Santana said; her eyes moving from Quinn's back to the door; she turned the handle; and opened the door; "I still love you." Santana added much lower; she walked out; and let the door slammed behind her. Like a nail into Quinn's metaphorical coffin; she looked down; at her lap as thoughts clouded her mind. Why didn't she fight? She shouldn't have let Santana leave in the first place; but she did. Quinn rubbed her eyes; she couldn't ruin Santana as much as she already did. She knew for once giving Santana a divorce was the best thing she had ever done; she knew that for sure.

Quinn dialled Santana's cell; it went to voicemail; and she hung up automatically. She didn't even know what she was going to say anyway. Placing her phone down; she pinched the inside of forearm; hissing at the sharp pinch of pain; she needed to fight. She could tell Santana everything; they could make it work. She could be happy with Santana. Quinn made her plan; and proceeded to go through with it.

Quinn arrived at Santana's office; well outside of it; she had been staring at the closed door for about 15 minutes; having doubts about pretty much everything. She kept receiving glances from some short woman.

"Do you have an appointment?" Jane asked as she met Quinn's eyes; Quinn slowly moved forward; and Jane looked at her expectantly.

"Santana... Is she here?" said Quinn

"Yes, but you need an appointment to see her." said Jane

"Great..." said Quinn, looking down at her watch; "Put me in for 12.39."

Quinn then stormed forward; and knocked on Santana's door; hearing no rebuttals; she opened the door; and slammed it quickly as she noticed Jane was walking towards the door.

"Quinn?" said Santana looking up; at the person who practically stormed into her office

"You expected me to fight. I wanted to; I did. I just... I felt like I should give you what you want for once in your life." Quinn offered quickly as she walked towards her; "I want to beg you to not divorce me; to not give me another chance; but to at least let me prove I'm yours... to let me make you happy."

Santana clenched her jaw; she tried to speak but wouldn't let herself; maybe because she needed to hear this; because she felt like she owned Quinn at least this much.

"I wanna fight for you." Quinn murmured, as she stood by the desk; Santana met Quinn's eyes; and looked away; hating how her body still reacted towards her after everything; "Santana, please."

Santana turned back to Quinn, and met her eyes; she watched as Quinn was searching hers for any chance of love, or anything which proved she was going to say yes; Santana opened her mouth; and dropped the shock; "I'm pregnant, Quinn."

Quinn stopped; it was like time became still; the atmosphere became cloudy; Quinn turned around and rubbed her forehead; trying to think. Thoughts' going wild; as she heard Santana's breathing going softly; Quinn was mumbling incoherently under her breath.

"Say something." Santana snapped; she was going mad waiting for Quinn to say anything; Quinn turned round, meeting Santana's gaze; "Quinn, say anything."

"I don't know what to say." Quinn stuttered out; squeezing her hands tightly; Santana nodded; and sighed sadly; Quinn noticed her eyes look down, that familiar feeling of disappointment settling in; "I love you. I know that much; Santana."

Santana nodded; she lightly wiped her eyes; removing the tears which had become a regular occurrence for Santana.

"Are you crying?" Quinn asked, confused; "I don't get-"

"No, Quinn. You don't get anything." Santana spat; before regretting it; she cleared her throat; "I'm pregnant Quinn... and you haven't said anything about it."

"I don't know what to say about it." Quinn said seriously; Santana nodded and rubbed her palms against her thighs; she bit her bottom lip.

"That makes up my mind then..." Santana said

"No, Santana." Quinn said moving closer; Santana put her hand up; stopping Quinn in her tracks who understood not to continue.

"Don't." said Santana; "I'll put the file in tomorrow. It should take about 5-6 weeks to go through."

"Santana, you're not divorcing me if you're pregnant." said Quinn

"If I'm pregnant?" said Santana

"I'm not accusing you of lying." Quinn said quickly

"Oh it really seems that you are." said Santana, "I'm pregnant Quinn; there's no if about it."

Quinn nodded; Santana shook her head, in disbelief that Quinn could believe that she could lie about something as serious as having a baby.

"You know how much I want a child." Santana whispered; her tone seemingly louder in the secluded office; "You think after everything I would lie about this... I'm not vindictive, Quinn... I left that role for you."

Quinn bit down harshly on the inside of her cheek; crinkling her nose when she could taste the metallic taste of cold coating her tongue; she tried to speak; but refused to open her mouth; like wired shut; she couldn't interrupt; she could say the things that were needed to be said. She couldn't ease Santana; and her unbanished fears. Quinn looked down at the floor and knew that she was dead. She couldn't remember a time where she felt anything but numb; probably her wedding day; but life had always been a chore; except Santana. She was different; it didn't feel hard being with her; she didn't have to try; it just came naturally; but now things were difficult.

"See... Nothing, Quinn. There's nothing in you anymore." Santana said; looking at Quinn, she wiped her eyes lightly as tears were forming; "I can't keep forcing you to be with me... You're just emotionless all the time..."

"I tried." Quinn mumbled as she wiped her eyes with her sleeve; Santana shook her head; looking down; she stared at her lap; trying to fight off the stinging feeling as more tears threatened to fall; she sniffed softly; hoping to prevent them.

"I tried to get through to you; and you pushed me away." Santana said, meeting Quinn's eyes which was familiarly glossed over and vacant; "You're not even here, are you? You're back inside your stupid shell, hiding yourself away from everything... from me."

Quinn looked away, she couldn't deny it as Santana was saying the truth; it just hurt to hear it; especially from Santana. She hadn't meant to mess things up; she just couldn't fix things; she didn't know how or what to fix. Every day was just a chore; she felt like she was having a midlife crisis at the age of 27.

Santana pulled her chair back; she stood up; and walked passed Quinn; she grabbed the door handle; and turned round to look at Quinn.

"I know I said I expected you to fight... but I'm telling you Quinn, stop. Just stop lying to yourself... This was nothing more than one night stand... it just lasted six years." said Santana

"Santana, I'm not lying. I do love you." Quinn whispered affectionately; she looked away from Santana; and stared out of the window at the passing traffic; "Everything feels so hard, San. I'm trying... but everything is just building up."

Quinn wiped her eyes; hating herself for crying when she was trying to be honest. Quinn jumped a little when she felt Santana placed her hand on her forearm, gaining her attention; she met her eyes; chocolate swirling with concern.

"Talk to me, I can't help you unless you tell me what's going on with you." said Santana

"You fixed me; and I loved you for it... I don't know anymore." said Quinn

"I can fix you again." Santana said, pushing Quinn's chin to look at her once more; "I can try, Quinn."

"I love you." Quinn murmured

"I know, you do." Santana replied; squeezing her arm softly; before a loud ring interrupted them; Santana mumbled a sorry in advance; then she walked to her office; and picked up her phone.

"Santana Lopez's office...?" Santana answered strongly

"Mija, we need to talk."

Santana swallowed loudly, her body language changing automatically; and locking onto Quinn's curious gaze; she was obviously wondering who was on the other end of the telephone; who was making Santana look so nervous.

"Oh hey mami." Santana replied softly; watching as Quinn's expression changed dramatically; it wasn't as if she disliked Santana's mother; she just accepted that she would never get along with her. She had hurt Santana too much for Santana's mother and late father not to have negative impressions of her.

"_Time against us; miles between us; heavens cried I know left you speechless..."_


	4. I need your help

19th December 2020

"Were you even going to tell me, Santana?" Maria said; Santana crinkled her nose from the tone her other mother was using.

"Yeah, I was going to tell you. I've been dealing with it myself... Things have gotta a little bit more complicated. I don't wanna get into it right now. Can I call you back?" Santana said all the while avoiding Quinn's eyes

"No... I'm coming to yours... We can talk there." Maria said

"What? Mami! You can't be in New York." snapped Santana, her eyes immediately meeting Quinn's curious eyes; "Mami, please don't come here. I'm-"

"I'm already in New York...I'll see you in about an hour; should I go to your place or-" Maria said

"No, I'll meet you at Macy's on 5th street in an hour." Santana said; rubbing her temple to try and sooth her anxiety which was building; her mother didn't know about Quinn cheating or that she had moved out; or the fact she was pregnant. Santana heard her mother agree; and she hung up; she put the phone down; and sighed; "She's already on her way to New York... I tried to change her mind."

"Does she know?" said Quinn running her fingers through her hair; she was nervous; she was scared of Santana, never mind how frightened she was over Maria's reaction she wasn't exactly a fan of hers; especially since Santana had frequently informed her mother of problems within their relationship. Santana answered by shaking her head.

"I couldn't tell her." Santana said softly; moving round to the other side of her desk; she squeezed her hands in a manner of releasing the tension she was feeling; "What are we gonna do?"

"Nothing we can do." Quinn murmured

"I'm not telling her, Quinn. She'll make me leave; she'll force me to move back to Lima, I'll lose you...-" Santana said, before trailing off; realising what she was saying; Quinn was slightly smiling at the way Santana was talking; it was too obvious she was still in love with her. Quinn bit her bottom lip; she didn't know whether she was feeling relieved or guilty for that.

"Do what you want, San... I just... Isn't she going to twig something is wrong?" Quinn said

"No... We just won't tell her." Santana said, shrugging her shoulders as if it wasn't a problem; "You're good at hiding the truth, right Quinn?" Santana added with an expression Quinn couldn't grasp; she went to defend herself; but stopped what was the point; Santana was telling the truth; she was always hiding things; she had hidden her real self since high school; well after Beth.

Santana bit her tongue; feeling guilty for being so cold towards Quinn but the truth was she couldn't help herself; she always used to attack others as a means of defending herself; or rather protecting herself from being hurt.

"You owe me, Quinn." Santana said softly; looking at various items on her desk; pausing to look at her cell phone which was flashing on a call from Brittany; she chose to ignore it and focus on talking to Quinn.

"I owe you." Quinn repeated in a tone Santana instantly disliked

"You played me... for a fool. The least you can do is pretend for a little while..." Santana said trying to convince Quinn to just agree with her for once; "It's not that hard, Quinn. You pretended to love me for the last 6 years, a few days won't kill you."

"It's not that, Santana. It's the principal." Quinn replied

"The principal? You're a 27 year old woman who had a baby at 16 and went off the rails; attacking everything and everyone... you can barely open your eyes long enough to pretend to listen to someone; but you care about principals!" Santana said curtly; "Don't question me on principals...-"

"Fine, Santana. Do what you want, I'm not gonna tell her anything." Quinn said; in an apologetic manner; "What about the pregnancy?"

Santana scoffed "As if you even care about that... You don't care, Quinn."

Santana ran her fingers along the desk; she tried to think, tried to calm herself down as the anger at Quinn for hurting her so badly was burning her; starting from the edge of her fingers, she drummed them rapidly to stop herself from acting on her impulses.

"I do care." Quinn murmured affectionately; the familiar tone of respect sparked a rare flash of irritation from Santana direct at Quinn; she bit harder on her lip; still feeling the anger build up within her stomach.

"I would normally have asked you to prove it... but what's the point, Quinn?" said Santana distantly; "You should go... I have to pick up-"

"Fine, I'll guess I'll see you at home." Quinn replied; before walking towards the office door; Santana nodded; and moved to picked up her bag; she picked up some files; and put them inside; the door slammed shut; and immediately reopened with Jane walking in.

"Is everything okay, Santana?" Jane asked, her concern clearly laced within her question

"Everything's fine, Jane. I just... I need the rest of the week off. My mother has scheduled an impromptu visit." said Santana

"I'm sure that's okay, Santana. What about the Beckett meeting tomorrow?" said Jane, waiting for Santana's answer

"I can make that... Just postpone all my other meetings." said Santana

"Okay." Jane answered, she placed some forms on the desk and saw a divorce form; she couldn't help but read Santana Maria Lopez in capital letters at the top of the form; Santana turned round and noticed Jane's gaze; Santana cleared her throat, and gathered Jane's attention.

Santana released a shaky breath, she didn't want people especially her bosses or fellow lawyers knowing about any problems she was having; particularly if it was marital like it was.

"I would appreciate if this was kept... private." Santana said, her eyes leading from the forms to Jane's knowing gaze; she nodded silently; Santana smiled softly; and put the forms into her drawer; she locked it; and picked up her jacket; she pulled it on; and grabbed her bag; "I'll see you tomorrow, Jane."

Jane nodded; and followed Santana out of the room; Jane smiled and slightly waved to Santana; who went towards the elevator. She rang the lift; and got inside; she pressed the button; and rode down to the ground floor; Santana took her car to 5th street; she parked up and got out. She rang her mother until she saw her; and then put her cell away.

"Mami." Santana called as she walked towards Maria; she smiled softly; and wrapped her arms around her daughter; squeezing her tightly; "I'm happy to see you."

Maria smiled softly; and kissed her cheek softly before stepping back to look at her; "You sounded upset on the phone. Did something happen?"

"No, Mami. I was working... I'm sorry... I just... I have a few days off; just not tomorrow morning. I've got a meeting which is super important. Are you done shopping or do you want to continue?" Santana said

"I'm finished, honey. Although you didn't have to take time off work; I'm fine with sightseeing." Maria replied; as they began walking towards Santana's vehicle

"Sightseeing? It's New York, Mami. You do realise the residents are crazy, never mind what the tourists are like." Santana said as she opened the trunk to put Maria's bags inside; they climbed inside; and attached their seatbelts; Santana could hear her mother talking; but it was just a blur; she could feel herself locking up. The familiar ache building up; as she started the engine and made her way home. Santana prayed Quinn would just act normal for once; to act like a loving wife. Santana snapped out of her haze; as she parked up; and got out; Maria walked to the door; as Quinn walked out; and welcomed Maria inside as she offered to help Santana with her bags.

"Hey." Quinn said softly as she reached Santana; who smiled sarcastically and thrusted Maria's suitcase at her unready hands; Quinn fumbled but caught the luggage.

"Nice hands." Santana murmured before picking up the rest of the bags, Quinn smiled softly; almost loving how things were; "I bet you make all the girls say that." Santana added with a humourless expression before walking off; Quinn locked the car and then followed inside the house. She placed the suitcase in the spare bedroom; before finding Santana and Maria sitting in the kitchen.

"There you are, honey. I was getting worried. Thought you got lost." Santana said, Quinn could taste the sarcastic within Santana's tone; she was obviously playing an act in front of her mother; "Coffee?" Santana asked; Quinn nodded; and sat down.

Santana poured Quinn a mug; and passed it to her; she smiled; and sipped it.

"So what were you talking about?" Quinn asked

"Noth-"Santana said

"Your marriage problems." Maria said, as Santana looked at her in disbelief

"Mami; what the hell!" Santana gritted out, she turned to Quinn; "I told my mom we fell out... but everything is okay, now."

Quinn nodded, taking another sip of the coffee; Santana bit her bottom lip; she ran her fingers through her fringe, sensing Quinn's focus on her.

"So last time I came to New York... we went and saw your friend in that annoying show." Maria said

Santana laughed loudly; as Quinn smirked knowing Maria was talking about Rachel's off Broadway show of Evita. It was surprising good but annoying.

"Oh that is a classic. I am so reminding Rachel off that." Santana said; as she put her mug in the sink; she washed her hands, and slowly turned round meeting Quinn's eyes as she walked towards the sink, setting her mug down; she touched Santana's hand, knowing Maria was watching her.

"I'm gonna finish my article in my office... I'll meet you upstairs." said Quinn

"Okay." Santana said, Quinn leaned in and kissed her cheek; Santana smiled, as Quinn immediately looked down, and walked off; Santana switched off the taps. She looked in the direction Quinn walked off in; and bit the inside of her cheek. She couldn't help but think that if Quinn was like that constantly; their marriage probably wouldn't be in this state; but it was just a ploy so Maria wouldn't suspect anything was wrong. Santana walked back and sat down; she listened and answered any questions Maria had; before they both called it a night. Santana walked to her bedroom; and changed into some shorts and a vest; she pressed call and lied down.

"Hey Britt-Britt." Santana said as she tugged her pillow more under her head; she sighed as she heard Rachel said is that Santana? Tell her I said hey before the door closed.

"Hey, San. Rach says hey... she just went to the bathroom. How's your mom?" Brittany asked

"Oh she's fine... Still obsessed with New York. I swear she is as bad as that crazy Yankee fan who attacked us last year." said Santana, laughing as she remembered the memory

"Oh that guy! Haha he was mad." Brittany said; "How's Quinn doing with your return?"

"She's confused... I know I would be if I was her. I asked her for a divorce; I told her I was pregnant... and I moved back into our house. I mean... Even I'm like Santana that is fucked up. Hopefully, when the divorce is finalised we can forget this whole thing actually happened." Santana said as she scratched her forehead; hearing Brittany sighed in the need to say something but not actually saying anything; "You don't agree with me, do you?"

"San, I think you need to do what's right for you." Brittany answered honestly; "Do you still love her?"

"Of course I do... It's Quinn, you know. I have always been attracted to her. I just... I was in awe with her. She like everything I wanted." Santana said; "And then we began dating... I have never felt anything like that with anyone else."

Brittany smiled softly; Santana bit her tongue

"I'm divorcing her; Britt. I can't... We're like the same person; like fire meeting fire... It was a disaster waiting to happen. How can I forgive someone who keeps hurting me?" Santana stopped speaking when she heard footsteps coming up the stairs; "Britt, I have to go. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay, talk to you soon. Night, San." Brittany said

"Night." Santana replied before hanging up the phone; she placed her phone down; and watched the door; the handle turned; and the door cracked open. Quinn slid in slowly; not seeing Santana's sitting figure in the darkness; she walked silently over towards her drawer, taking out some clothes; she quickly changed. She then turned around; and Santana picked this time to flick the lamp on; Quinn saw Santana and screamed; Santana burst out laughing; "Oh my... that was pretty hilarious."

Quinn frowned; and threw a dirty sock at her; Santana threw it on the floor and laughed harder.

"You are an idiot, Quinn. There is a light switch by the door." said Santana

"I thought you were asleep." said Quinn

"At half 11? I'm not really tired." said Santana as she playing on angry birds; Quinn stood still; she was looking at her feet; not knowing whether she was able to sleep in the same bed as Santana, she was scared of asking in case Santana took it the wrong way; and assumed that she was hinting at something. Santana rolled her eyes as she looked up at Quinn; she put her ipod down; and kinked her eyebrow up.

"Get into bed then." said Santana

Quinn nodded; and walked over; she pulled the covers over; and climbed inside; she lied back; and looked over at Santana; who was resuming her game.

"You're such a loser for playing that." said Quinn

"Shut up, I'm being serious right now. That little shit of a bird." said Santana pointing to her screen; Quinn laughed; "Shut up, Q."

"You know I'm kidding right?" Quinn said, Santana nodded: Quinn smiled and leaned her head to the side; she closed her eyes.

"Will you stay with us next time?" Santana said, she touched Quinn's arm lightly; Quinn immediately opened her eyes; "she kept asking me about us. How things were going. I don't know whether to tell her about the pregancy yet... I want to wait til the first scan you know..."

Quinn nodded, biting her bottom ip; she didn't want to discuss this; but the look in Santana's eyes left no room for a rebuttal.

"Okay, I'll stay..." Quinn said softly; "I think you should wait; the doctors normally say to wait til the 12 week scan; you know when the risk of miscarrying is low..."

Santana put the ipod on the bedside table; she pulled the covers over her; and sighed; there was always this tension between them which had only got worse due to Quinn's behaviour.

"Britt knows." Santana murmured; "She can burst into the toilet when I started screaming."

"I wish I was there." Quinn whispered, she blinked she couldn't believe she had said that; but she knew she was telling the truth; she knew how terrifying this experience was. She wanted to help; she just didn't know how to ask; especially after everything.

Santana smiled sympathetically

"You know now... That's what's important." Santana said; before closing her eyes; hoping Quinn would sense the conversation was dead much like most conversation for Quinn these days. Quinn could see Santana's chest rising with each breath; she slowly closed her eyes.

"She meant nothing... you know that right?" Quinn said, surprisingly very strongly; she had be strong; she couldn't back down now. Santana scoffed at Quinn.

"She meant more to you than I did. So don't lie... You may be in my bed, Quinn but this marriage is over." Santana replied curtly

"I'm telling the truth." Quinn said, with a pleading tone; "I love you...you know I love you."

"Love... You know nothing about the notion, Quinn." Santana replied, "Now stop..."

Quinn shakily nodded her head; she turned onto her side; releasing a sad sigh of air into the even more tensed atmosphere. With their backs facing each other, they fell asleep in each other's presence.

Quinn woke up; and rolled over; she was snapped back into consciousness by the instant coldness of the crumbled sheets underneath her. She sat up; and looked over at the clock. 11:34am. Quinn groaned before quickly rushing for a shower; she changed into some black jeans, and a patterned t-shirt.

Quinn was quickly making some early lunch; when the front door opened, the familiar sound of Santana's laughter immediately spread through the house. Quinn couldn't help but smile softly at the sound. It had been too long since she had heard it; she had honestly missed it.

"Oh... you're still here." Santana said, looking back at her watch as if in disbelief that Quinn should still be here.

"Don't worry, I should be leaving soon..." Quinn said, walking to the sink; she placed her plate down; Santana nodded; and put some brown shopping bags on the side.

"My mom ran into an old friend. Decided to stay..." Santana said as she began putting the different food stuff away.

"Oh... did you take work off?" Quinn asked

"Yeah..." said Santana not sure why Quinn was asking so many questions; it wasn't right; she knew it was one of Quinn's pathetic attempts at pretending she was trying harder; "Should you be leaving?" Santana snapped; not in the mood to deal with 'talkative' Quinn today.

Quinn nodded; and grabbed her bag; Quinn walked passed Santana, towards the front room; she looked back and met Santana's eyes; before watching as Santana looked away. She walked out, leaving Santana alone.

Santana wasted the day by watching TV; and painting her toenails a bright pink; she then called Blaine. He had texted her multiple times; clearly worried about her; when Brittany had cancelled on their previous lunch dates.

"San, how are you? Are you okay? Do you need a place to stay?" Blaine said quickly; his concern clearly showing; "Britt told me what happened... I hope-"

"Blaine, I'm... I'm really in need of a friend." Santana said softly; she released a shakily breath; "Are you free today?"

"Of course... where are you?" said Blaine, "Work...?"

"No, I'm at home... I have a lot to tell you." said Santana

"I'll be there soon." said Blaine

"See you." said Santana before hanging up; Santana waited for Blaine to arrive; when he did; they sat in the kitchen; Santana filled Blaine in on everything; from Quinn cheating; to her filing for divorce to her mother's ignorance of everything that was happening; which only made everything so much worse. Santana left out her pregnancy she felt like it was too special to be mentioned with all the other negative stuff which had happened.

Santana was crying by the time she finished; Blaine cuddled her against his chest; soothing her the best way he could.

"I wish things were easier for you." Blaine whispered affectionately; "You can get passed this; you can move on... I promise you, San... You can get through this."

"Without her, Blaine." Santana said sadly; she looked from the ground to Blaine's face, noting the confusion written all over his expression; "I'll only get through this without her. Otherwise... I'll be like this for the rest of my life... basically married to nothing."

"Quinn's... She's a great person, Santana. She just... hasn't been herself for a long time. I think she's lost her way." Blaine said softly; not wanting to lie to Santana

"It excuses nothing. I begged her to sort herself out; I even offered to... to find Beth. I thought maybe that would snap her out of her head." said Santana; "But no... She had a go at me. She's too different... she's not the person I fell in love with."

Blaine nodded; squeezing her hand comforting, Santana moved into his embrace, letting Blaine hug her softly. Blaine decided to leave, thinking that things were hard on Santana enough without reliving the whole ordeal. Santana waited for her mother to return; and they then decided to go out for dinner; with the valid excuse of Quinn being at work; Santana was thankful hopeful that Maria wouldn't be too harsh about her obvious problematic marriage.

Half way through their meal; Maria spoke up asking how things smoothed over so quickly.

"Mami, I told you... It was just a fight about work." said Santana, hoping her mother would drop the subject quickly

"What about work?" said Maria, with her eyebrow quirked upwards; Santana sighed softly; sensing things were far from solved.

"That I'm working too much... I'm slowing down my hours." said Santana looking at Maria, before looking back at her half eaten meal, she pushed her plate away; "Problem solved." Santana added when she met Maria's eyes; before reaching for her glass.

"Are you sure?" Maria asked

"Positive." Santana said; she took her phone out as it beeped; she opened the message.

'Working late... be home later - Q.'

Santana rolled her eyes; and dumped her phone back into her bag; not bothering to send a reply; Maria put the money for the check; and they walked out. They arrived home, and were watching TV on the couch.

"Honey, I know I'm leaving tomorrow... but I'd like to have lunch with you and Quinn before I leave." Maria said

"I know you'd like that, Mama... but Quinn's not really for lunch... well with other people. She's more of a... solo eater." Santana explained, hoping her mother would just drop it; she couldn't take another night of sleeping in her bed, it wasn't even Quinn which bothered her. It was the house; it was supposed to be their house when they raised their children, what they would live to their children after they passed. Now all it reminded Santana of; was the fact that everything was changing; and there was nothing that she could do to stop it. The pain of starting over, only hurts if you have things stopping you. As Santana looked at her phone screen, she realised she had nothing stopping her. Not anymore.

"_Oh no more mistakes... Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay..."_


	5. Decisions, Miss Lopez

I love the reviews I'm getting; Quinntana is end game; so maybe that will encourage people to continue reading. There is a lot of angst; and I apologise for it... I just don't think that the story will develop unless they have that period of angst. It will get happier; I promise. Enjoy this chapter guys.

To _Mikaela Sloane: - There is no particular girl Quinn cheated with; just a random stranger... I thought that would hurt more if it was a stranger. and Yes, they did use a sperm donor... thanks for reading._

20th December 2012

Santana was on her way home from the airport; her mother had reluctantly decided to leave after a ladies lunch; she had basically used lunch as another opportunity to delve into Santana's marriage; and particularly the problems they were currently having. Santana hadn't spoken to Quinn since the text; she had found her asleep on the couch in the morning; before she took Maria out; as a way of avoiding Quinn.

Santana decided to go to work; instead of going home; or rather going back to Quinn. Santana began working through a case she was having trouble with; she had got Charlotte to help her by questioning Mr Davis again; in a way of hashing out the finer details.

Santana was writing some notes on the file she was reading; when her phone rang; she fumbled around with it; before answering with a breathlessly hello.

"Hey... It's me. I was just wondering where you were?" Quinn asked; she was biting her bottom lip as she was pacing in her office at home; stopping when she heard Santana sighed; and shuffled, she then heard a door close.

"What's going on, Quinn?" Santana asked; her voice sounding loudly in the silent office; Quinn bit her bottom lip; she was scratching her nail against her fingers; trying to think of something to say; trying to sound sincere.

"I woke up... you weren't here; I figure you took your mom to the airport... but you should have been back by now" Quinn said; pinching the skin in between her thumb and forefinger; "I just... I was just worried."

"Worried.." Santana echoed; she then looked around her office; "I'm actually at work; kinda busy."

"Will you be home later? I think we need to talk." Quinn said

"You mean I will talk; and you won't listen." Santana said; rolling her eyes; "I'll be home at 7... Me and Britt are going for dinner. You should call Rachel... She's worried about you."

Quinn nodded; and couldn't help but feel guilty at Santana's own behaviour towards her; "I'll see you at 7." Quinn muttered; feeling the heat rise to her cheeks; as she felt even more embarrassed. Santana didn't reply; just hanging up the call.

Quinn decided to talk to Rachel; Santana was right; she couldn't ignore her forever; even though her life was falling apart around.

They met for coffee in a local coffee shop; called coffee bean or some similar name; Rachel was trying to offer some guidence; as Quinn looked on; face in a familiar expression; but her eyes were blank. Devoid of any emotions which could indicate that she was really there.

Quinn snapped out of her gaze, moving her eyes to Rachel; who was still talking; she now tuned in.

"-handle this again?" Rachel asked, her eyes burning into Quinn's.

"What?" Quinn said

Rachel bit her bottom, almost as if she was glad that Quinn didn't hear.

"Nothing... How was Maria?" Rachel said

"Thinks our marriage is between perfect and a hard place." Quinn said; "She has no idea... About anything. Not about me cheating. Santana told her some lie about issues with spending too much time apart..."

"Don't you find that strange?" Rachel mused, "I mean... My mother would probably be the first person I would tell.. If I had one."

"You're not broken... You haven't been broken, Rachel. You learn to pretend... Quite easily when you have." Quinn said; running her fingers along the rim of her coffee cup; "San probably doesn't want Maria to worry..."

"I guess so..." Rachel said; biting her bottom lip; "You've been broken right? How did you get broken? Was it Beth?"

Quinn snapped her attention to Rachel; she then resumed her eye contact with her cup.

"I've only told San." Quinn said; "But I guess it wouldn't hurt, telling you."

Rachel nodded, waiting for Quinn to continue.

"High school was supposed to be my kingdom. I ruled it... And then I got pregnant." Quinn said, with a bitter taste on her tongue; "I never got over it. People expected.. Me to just move on; to get over Beth... Except Santana... and you I guess. You realise that I never got over it."

Rachel smiled softly

"During college; when we met again... She was so helpless... I fell completely for her. She just needed someone who could help her. To deal with her pain... I become an expert." Quinn said; she scratched the back of her neck; pausing as she thought; "She never expected me to be hers.. Love wasn't mentioned.. And I loved that about her. It was a constant thing; we just mutual needing someone to take our own demons away."

Quinn looked up; to Rachel's eyes.

"And then she expected too much." Quinn added in a softer tone than previous; "I couldn't be who she wanted me to be... I guess only one person can."

Quinn picked up her cup and sipped it; slowly; she looked at Rachel.

"I should go. She's back at 7." Quinn said

"I'll see you soon." Rachel said

Quinn smiled; and walked out; climbing into her car; she drove home and instantly regretted saying everything to Rachel. It just hurt; everything hurt so much.

When the one person who's right for you; is in love with someone else; and no matter how much you pray for it to be different; you will only ever be a second choice.

Quinn walked in; and saw Santana sat on the kitchen table; she was reading some piece of paper.

"Hey." Quinn said, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water.

"Do you wanna take a seat?" Santana asked

Quinn nodded and walked forward; she took a seat opposite.

"What's this?" Quinn asked, pointing to the work in front of Santana.

"Nothing..." Santana muttered; she picked it up and put it in a folder; "You were the one who wanted to talk.."

Quinn nodded, she looked from the table, to Santana.

"You don't have to be so..." Quinn started; trying to think of the word to say, Santana looked up, catching Quinn's eyes; "Dismissing... You don't even wanna try to fix this. So what's the point?"

"I did want to fix this, Quinn... I just didn't want to have to fix you." Santana said honestly; "I can't keep willing you to be the person I fell in love with... I mean I think she's gone; and I don't see her coming back anytime soon."

Quinn shook her head

"Give me a chance then..." Quinn said

"I've gave you multiple chances, Quinn." Santana said shaking her head that Quinn would put her in this position; "You couldn't even keep it together on our wedding day... Did you know how heart breaking that was for me?"

"I tried... Isn't that what counts that I'm at least trying to be the person who you love?" Quinn said

"Don't suggest that I don't love you... I love you, both side. The one who refuses to acknowledge you have issues; and the one who clearly does acknowledge." Santana said

Quinn bit her bottom lip; she ran her teeth along the skin, creating slight teeth marks across the lips.

"I need to tell you something..." Santana said

Quinn nodded; for Santana to continue

"I accepted the job in California..." Santana said, breaking her focus from Quinn to the table "I told them last night."

Quinn nodded; she looked at the table; and then looked at Santana, with a soft smiled.

"I'm happy for you... You deserve it; you've worked hard." Quinn said; reaching forward; and squeezing Santana's hand warily.

"Thank you..." Santana said; smiling; "I want you, Quinn. I want to give you a second chance."

Quinn smiled; as her eyes met Santana's.

"Will you come with me?" Santana said with a blank expression; inside she was pleading with a hopeful smile.

_If I could, then I would. I'll go whenever you will go_.


	6. Making promises

Sorry for the cliff hanger. You will enjoy this chapter... I hope anyway. Happier times will come about soon. A little angst which will hopefully by this chapter. Keep reading, please.

_Ryoko05__: I would say more like emotional problems... and yes, she is wary to get 'professional' help. Everyone is expecting her to have dealt with it herself... except Santana. I hope that you gathered that Santana was trying to fix Quinn, on her own... and ultimately failed. Keep reading, as her problems will surface, and there will be no option except to deal with them._

B-rockaFaN: Thank you, I try to write angsty (if that's a word) I didn't think I pulled it off that well.

_snowdrop1026_: There will be more Quinntana talking going on; as it is more than obvious that they need to talk. Quinn is harbouring her feelings, and yes she will need to seek some form of help to obviously deal with them. Thanks for reviewing.

20th December

Santana released the words which she knew would either break them even more or kick the start of fixing them. Her eyes flickered from Quinn to the table; as the question lingered, awaiting for an answer. Santana kinked her eyebrow as Quinn remained silent, she bit her bottom lip hoping Quinn would answer soon.

It was as if time somehow stopped for Quinn, like how life seems like its waiting for you to catch up. Quinn could easily feel Santana's eyes on her; so it reminded her that this was really happening. She had plenty of dreams or rather nightmares she referred to them where Santana would agree to try again.

Everything she wanted was given in that one sentence. 'Will you come with me?' It was constantly repeating itself in her mind; and she was running a marathon with the millions of thoughts about that one sentence. That she would have Santana back that they would have a child's future to plan. It was amazing to think of everything was coming together, at a big price. Moving to California, but Santana was worth it.

That normal feeling, that so familiar feeling of well no feeling; of totally emptiness. A constant numb feeling somehow erased itself when Santana uttered those words. Like a person being released from an innate cage; Quinn for once felt free.

For Santana, the time Quinn spent only indicated one thing for her. This was that Quinn either didn't want her or didn't want a second chance on Santana's terms but on Quinn's only. The thought alone made Santana nauseous that she was still so quickly to offer Quinn another chance. Releasing a shaky breath, Santana deliberately pulled her hand from under Quinn's.

"I get it." Santana mumbled; she pushed the chair back; and stormed off upstairs; Quinn looked in the direction Santana went off in, in some sort of daze. She quickly got up and walked up the stairs.

"This is what you do now just ignore people. Don't wait for a fucking answer. Is this what they're gonna teach you in California?" Quinn shouted as she banged her fist against her locked bedroom door, as by response or rather reaction, Santana snapped the door opened.

"I ignore people. You sat there for about 10 minutes Quinn, in silence. I mean... what am I supposed to think?" Santana said; her eyes already brimming with unshed tears; she sniffed and turned back around; "I don't know what I was thinking anyway..." Santana mumbled in a softer tone; almost as if she was angry at herself; Quinn bit her bottom lip; she needed to think of something, to say something which wouldn't make it such a mistake.

"I love you, Santana. I love you so much." Quinn said, she stepped forward into the room, and closed the door behind her, snapping the handle down; "If you bothered waiting before jumping to conclusions; I would love to come with you."

Santana snapped her head round as if that was the last thing she was expecting Quinn to say, her eyes looked wild, clearly shocked by Quinn's answer. She didn't say anything but stormed forward similar to an animal charging to clear off a predator. She raised her hand and smacked Quinn much softer than her action was suggesting; Quinn's head turned slightly from the slap.

"Did you know how badly I was fucking panicking?" Santana cried out in an exposed manner; Quinn nodded, Santana gently lowered her hand to her cheek; she glided her thumb across the skin; "You can't scare me like that." Santana added, as Quinn nodded, mumbling a less recognisable sorry.

After about a minute of silence, just the mixture of hot breath, Santana broke the silence, by firstly clearing her throat; "I'm sorry for slapping you." Santana said

"I know." Quinn mumbled

Santana met her eyes; hers sparkling with love as she looked deeply into Hazel eyes.

"Do you mean it, Quinn?" Santana said ever so softly

Quinn would be lying if she said that hearing Santana speak so vulnerable didn't break her heart. It did every time; because she knew that it was her fault; well not entirely. it was more her fault because she knew how badly Santana was hurt when she met her; and instead of protecting her, she had directly hurt her even more. Quinn smiled, and covered her hand on top of Santana's.

"Every word." Quinn murmured, her eyes staring into chocolate; she watched as Santana looked towards her cheek; Quinn dropped her hand when she realised Santana wanted to touch her cheek.

Santana nodded silently; her fingers now gazing her skin, as a faint pink-ish mark had now appeared. Quinn watched Santana as she fixated on her fingers which soothed the bruised skin.

"I'll fix you, Quinn. Whatever it takes..." Santana promised; her fingers now tracing a prominent jawline; "You know that right?" Santana asked in a lower tone, wanting to be sure that Quinn knew that Santana was serious in starting again.

"I know you would do anything for me." Quinn said replied in a not so familiar stark honesty

Santana nodded, in agreement as her fingers now trailing along the beginning of her neck, in a soothing manner but also as a way of welcoming the meeting of Quinn's body, or rather the texture of her skin once more.

"I'll do anything for you." Quinn said, she needed Santana to hear her say it at least once, it gained a flicker of chocolate meeting hazel before Santana's fingers reached the base of her neck; she scratched her blunt nails across the back of her neck, causing Quinn to step closer.

"I know you would..." Santana replied

She leaned in closer; her eyes flickering from Quinn's eyes to those lips she had probably kissed millions, if not billions of times. She knew how they tasted, how they felt against. Instinctively, Quinn's eyes closed when she assumed Santana was going to kiss her.

Santana had to smile when Quinn closed her eyes; she moved her other hand to Quinn's hip; curving the hand around the protruding hipbone, as if for support. Santana leaned in closer, her lips directly across from Quinn's. She could feel Quinn's warm breath tickling her bottom lip, and it enticed her, to step closer, the breath trailing down her

Santana leaned up, and gazed her lips against Quinn's, as she planted a kiss on the corner of Quinn's mouth; she heard Quinn's breath hitch as she felt lips press against hers; only to have her eyes flash over when they moved.

Quinn licked her lips as her eyes flickered from Santana's eyes to her lips; such full lips; they looked so tempting; without even realising she was leaning forward; Quinn pressed her lips rather spontaneously.

Santana gasped in surprise when she felt Quinn's lips on her; she didn't reaction until she felt Quinn going to pull away; Santana pulled her closer, pressing her lips firmly against Quinn's.

Lips moving attentively against one another's, as if mimicking the other's actions, and then responding it a way in which they want. Quinn placed her hand on Santana's waist, stroking her fingers along the material of her white shirt.

Quinn's lips parted slightly; not enough to deepen the kiss; but enough for Santana to kiss back. Fireworks instantly like those matching the ones flowing through both Quinn and Santana's blood. Santana felt Quinn moved closer towards her; moving her lips to envelope Santana's bottom lip.0

Santana then pulled back when she felt Quinn's tongue brush against her bottom lip; she then licked her lips and she opened her eyes and met Quinn's.

"Wow... um..." Santana said; she stepped back, and scratched her neck, "That was... -"

"Amazing." Quinn said; making Santana turn back around to look at her.

"Yeah... something like that." Santana said; turning around, she rubbed her hands together, obviously thinking of the right thing to say. Quinn could easily sense her internal battle with herself.

"San... It's okay." Quinn said softly

"No, it's not. I've... been ignoring you... and then I let you kiss me." Santana said, turning around; "It's not fair. I haven't been fair."

Quinn shook her head as she stepped closer towards Santana; she placed her hand on her lower back,

"I think you were more than fair, San. I haven't been there for you." Quinn said; "but I will be... I promise."

Santana nodded; she sighed sadly

"When did things get so... complained?" Santana asked to no one in particular; she turned to face Quinn; who was already looking in Santana's direction.

"San, we need to talk... I mean we're moving to California, we have a child on the way... We can't-" Quinn said

"I know... I just, I don't know what to say." Santana replied anxiously; "I wasn't going to do this. I was just going to leave... I just... for once wanted us to be easy, but it's us... which means nothing is ever going to be simple."

Quinn nodded

"It can be simple." Quinn murmured, softly; earning Santana's attention as she turned to look at her.

Santana sighed; and walked around to the drawers, she pulled out the top one, and slowly went through the pictures she found. Santana smiled familiarly when she came across a photograph of herself and Quinn. They were posing sometime after they both had graduated. Quinn had her arm around Santana's neck, and Santana was half kissing Quinn's cheek.

"Do you remember that?" Santana asked, placing the picture on the bed, so Quinn could see it; Quinn moved and sat on the bed picking it up; she hummed in thought and then lightly nodded.

"It was after graduation... we went away for a few days." Quinn said

Santana smiled; softly. Quinn watched as her forehead crinkled in thought before smoothing out; it was only a quick motion; one which could have easily been missed.

"We'll need to tell everyone, we're leaving." Santana replied

Santana ran her fingers through her hair, sighing sadly as she met Quinn, her eyes looking down at the photograph; she looked pure; it surprised Santana.

"Better to get it over with right?" Santana said, watching as Quinn nodded cementing her decision; "Good."

Quinn nodded, still looking down at the photograph still; Santana moved closer to her, she put her hand on Quinn's lower back; Quinn leaned into the embrace of Santana's hand, and she sighed silently.

"We'll make it, Quinn." Santana murmured, leaning in towards Quinn's ear, her warm breath trailing down the length of Quinn's neck, evoking goosebumps along the soft skin; "We'll make it. I promise." Santana added as she cupped Quinn's cheek, her fingers stroking the smooth skin, as Quinn nodded, her eyes shimmering as she looked into Santana's.

_And I'll help you when I can, When I can. Stay with me... Promise me you're never gonna leave..._


	7. Trouble ahead

Thanks for the reviews, and all the attention this fic is getting. I really appreciate it. I hope you all enjoy this chapter :)

22nd December

Santana was gripping her mug of tea with incredibly tight hands as she listened to Brittany list the dangers of forgiving Quinn. Santana had to agree with Brittany; a future with Quinn posed some possible dangers; but isn't love where you're supposed to take a risk? God knows the amount of risks Quinn and Santana had taken when they were together. She looked up and met honest blue; she knew what this was really about. Brittany was worried. She was losing her best friend. The one she had been saving from pain ever since they were 6 years old. She was losing her, to California, a new job, one she deserved; but more so she was losing her to Quinn. It's how Brittany saw it; well it's how Santana thought Brittany saw it.

Santana had to love Brittany sometimes; she was probably the nicest person ever. She had been there for her since forever. Through bad girlfriends, and even worse. Santana just needed to let Brittany know that this wasn't the end of them. That their friendship was forever like they had always agreed. It's not every day someone remains friends with the same person they met in a park when they were hiding from their maid.

"Are you even listening to me?" Brittany snapped; her voice trying to sound angry but failing.

"You told me to follow my heart..." Santana replied; "It's exactly what I'm doing."

"No you're not. You're leaving New York; because you think she'll change if you're away." Brittany said

"Trust me, I was more than willing to file for divorce; and leave... but we both know I would have been miserable in California... especially without Quinn. As much as she's hurt me, I love her." Santana said; "Listen, we're leaving, Britt. I need you to at least support this even if you don't accept it. Quinn knows how important this is to me."

"Does she? She can barely pay attention to understand what's going on... but you really think she's gonna pack all bags and move to California when she has nothing there!" Brittany snapped; her tone wasn't harsh or cold; it was just honest. She didn't want Santana falling for Quinn's charm again; she didn't believe Quinn could change

Santana sighed silently; she didn't want to argue with Brittany, especially over Quinn. She just wanted some support; from her best friend.

"I can't help myself, Britt." Santana said softly, feeling herself getting worked up, getting defensive over her marriage; she was ignoring Brittany's eyes, trying to focus on breathing right.

"Maybe you should... Santana, she's not right for you." Brittany replied with a small tone, Santana shook her head angrily; she didn't say anything but chewed on the inside of her chewing; letting her tongue feel the area to see if there was any blood. She flicked her eyes to her arm when she felt Brittany covered her hand over it; Brittany offered a small smile; obviously feeling awkward for what she had said previously.

"I know things won't be perfect... I don't expect them to be but I need to try." Santana explained, as her chest released the pressure which was building up.

"I'm not gonna tell you what to do... I just think that you should have thought about this." Brittany said; "You didn't even talk to anyone about this... you just jumped straight back in... right into her lies."

Santana pulled her arm back, as if she had been burned; by Brittany's words.

"Don't accuse me of being stupid." Santana snapped

"I'm not... I'm just saying that you can't trust her. Santana, she has lied to you so many times." Brittany said

"Well... thanks for your unconditional support, Britt." Santana remarked sarcastically but no real bite within her tone.

"I'll support you, San... but I can't support her." Brittany explained, running her fingers through her hair, she scratched her scalp before leaning back in her chair; "San, you need to think about this."

"There's nothing to think about. I've accepted the job; and Quinn agreed to come with me. I'll be in California after Christmas." Santana declared, she released the breath she didn't realise she was holding; and softly turned to look at Brittany. Feeling guilty for dismissing her best friend's obvious concerns about her judgement or rather lack of.

Brittany offered a small smile when she met Santana's attention; before looking back at the table. Tea longed forgotten about as emotions ran high; but opinions ran higher. Brittany didn't hate Quinn; she just hated what Quinn had done. Quinn's actions spoke more loudly than her words of trying to be better. Brittany didn't want Santana to leave; she was only 27; she had only been in her job for 4 years; it wasn't likely that she should be given an offer at partnership. This law firm must really want Santana. It wasn't a surprise; Santana was notrious for being almost brutal in Divorce trails. A trait which obviously proved valuable.

Santana took Brittany's words to heart; and left Brittany a little after 9; she arrived home to find Quinn in bed, reading a book. It shouldn't surprise her; she had always been a literature kind of woman. Santana unchanged into some shorts and an old grey vest; she climbed into bed, and murmured a goodnight to Quinn, who only to smile quizzically at her goodnight; her eyes clearly showing her confusion at Santana's 'cold' behaviour. Yet, Quinn didn't say anything but switched the lamp off; and settle into a more comfortable position to sleep in.

Santana was facing the window, the small gap between the window and the ledge; to let in needed fresh air as their room always got a little stuffy during the nights. Santana's mind was running wild; was Britt right could she trust Quinn? Santana sighed silently; wishing Quinn could ease her wild imagination. Santana looked round at Quinn's back; she knew Quinn wasn't asleep; as Quinn often muttered to herself when she was trying to sleep.

"I told Britt." Santana spoke into the dead room; Quinn released the breath she was holding; but made no effort to turn round; Santana found herself holding back tears when Quinn didn't automatically turn round; instead she sighed; an action she found herself doing frequently involving Quinn; "I'm gonna get some water."

Santana climbed out of bed; and walked out of the room; she closed it behind her; and wiped her eyes. Before making her way to the spare bedroom; she closed the door; and patted her feet to the bed, climbing inside. Santana laid down, and tugged the covers to just under the area of her collarbone.

"What am I doing?" Santana wondered out loud; before closing her eyes, and pinching the bridge of her nose.

"It won't work." Santana reminded herself, her mind already producing reasons to continue with her divorce; but love conquers all or whatever that ridiculous saying was. Santana looked over at the small alarm clock resting on the table adjacent to the bed; it had been just under 15 minutes since she left to grab some water. She didn't know what to find more painful the fact Quinn hadn't noticed her dramatic change in behaviour or that Quinn hadn't bothered to even check up on her.

What Santana didn't realise that Quinn had looked for her; she checked downstairs; and then ultimately realised that Santana had moved into the spare bedroom; she sensed that Santana obviously wanted to be alone so she decided to write Santana a letter; in the hope that Santana might see that Quinn was changing, and for the better.

_Dear San, _

_I love you. I know I have said these words for so long. I know I have said them when I knew I didn't mean it. But I do love you, Santana. I love you so much, that it has nearly destroyed me as I promised myself I wouldn't allow myself to feel... like that again. The truth is... I have never been in love with anyone, but you... The feeling I loved, the feeling I didn't want to have again was the one I had when I gave birth to Beth._

_I was focused during my pregnancy, I knew it was being given up for adoption so I refused to name the child. I refused to acknowledge the effect it would have on me. When she was born, it was like everything stopped. The pain stopped. I wasn't a silly stupid girl who got mistakenly knocked up. I was a mother, I had given a child life, a chance at living. Within 5 seconds of holding her, I wanted her. I never wanted to give her up... but the look on Noah's face, on my mother's. My choice was... stolen. Snatched away like my virginity. Taken like all the other god given choices, I should have had. _

_Enough about that. You know me, you know everything about Beth. This letter is about you, about us. Our family. You're pregnant, San. I must admit, I love the idea of you pregnant regardless of everything, my issues getting in the way. You will look most beautiful when you are pregnant, Santana. I know you will. This is our chance, baby. We can make our family; better than the ones we had. No drunken parents, no absent parents. Just loving, just us. _

_Our child will be everything. It is everything to me. I may not say it out loud or show it in emotion, something I have always needed to work on. But I love our child already... and I refused to feel bad about it. _

_I hope things will become easier, for us. Right now, you're probably asleep, tear tracks down your cheeks, which I caused. I am always the reason, people have realised. You are the bitch, but now people have realised looks can be deceiving. They know I'm the reason you're miserable. _

_I used to be the reason you were so happy but life changes so fickly._

_I want you to hate me. I wish you hate me. But you don't. You love me. You want to work this out. So I owe it to both of us to try, to try the hardest than I had ever tried in my life. I love you. I repeat. I love you._

_I want to talk about our wedding day. 19__th__ April 2017. It was spring, you had always said you preferred the spring to the other seasons. I agreed out of love; the time when I showed how much I loved you with just a simple love, now it takes more than that. It takes me to nearly lose everything before I snap out of my foolish haze. Do you remember what I called you on our wedding day? That's right. I called you a Thunder Storm. You responded by kinking your eyebrow in a way which screamed annoyed. I was right, though. You are like a Thunder Storm, you still are. My Thunder Storm. Protective, aggressive, beautiful, powerful. All qualities I admire in you. _

_To make our love survive, I will do anything. That is my promise... to you, and to our unborn child. I cannot let you or our child suffer through my behaviour anymore. _

_I will always love you, Santana Lopez._

_Yours only, _

_Quinn Fabray-Lopez._

"_I'm gonna run right to, to the edge with you; where we can both fall far in love."_


	8. Merry Christmas

Thanks for all the alerts and reviews. They do mean a lot. Hope everyone likes this chapter. I have fast forward to christmas day. And the following chapters will also jumping time to journey this story along.

25th December 2012

Christmas day. Quinn woke up to what can only be described screech; Quinn snapped out of her sleep haze, and rubbed her eyes; looking over and seeing the bed empty; she made her way downstairs; and saw Santana hugging Rachel tightly. Quinn quirked her eyebrow up at Brittany who had notced her arrival.

"Merry Christmas, Q." Brittany said, as she gave Quinn a hug; "Rach gave San our present for you."

Santana then bounced over, and thrusted an outfit for a baby into Quinn's hands.

"Isn't it adorable?" Santana said

Quinn smiled

"Yes, thank you guys... It's really cute." Quinn said, stroking her fingers over the pattern of the duck which was plastered on the front; "Ducks, huh Britt?"

Brittany laughed, as Santana hugged her.

"Come on, I've made breakfast." Santana declared, watching as Rachel and Brittany walked ahead towards the kitchen; Santana took Quinn's hand, "Hey, I didn't get to wake you up in my special Santana clause way this year... Merry Christmas."

Quinn hugged her tightly; kissing the top of her head; before following into the kitchen.

Traditionally, celebrated as the day Jesus Christ was born; now more or less, celebrated like any another holiday; where the focus is purely on family, presents, and food. This was no difference for Santana and Quinn who had since they married each other, they hadn't spent Christmas apart. They literally couldn't.

This year, Santana had invited both Brittany and Rachel as they had no other plans; and she thought that she and Quinn could do with some more company. Quinn was happy that Rachel and Brittany were coming around.

Quinn smiled happily as she watched Santana tried to baste the Turkey, as well as listening to Rachel tell or rather order her how to do it properly. She was setting the table; but as she found herself smiling more frequently; she had instinctively remembered looking at Santana each time.

"She's happier... you know that right?" Brittany murmured

Quinn snapped out of her leering; to turn towards Brittany who was standing near her.

"She's much happier with you, than anyone else." Brittany said

"Even with you?" Quinn asked; hating how she had asked that as Brittany sucked her lips into her mouth, like she had tasted something bitter; "I'm sorry-"

"No, you're right. She is happier with you than she was with me..." Brittany replied; honestly; "You are her... Princess Charming."

Quinn smiled, at Brittany's charm.

"I love her, Britt. I've never stopped..." Quinn started; she stopped as she saw Santana look over, with a slight pleading look as Rachel had just started reprimanding her for cutting the carrots into the wrong shape; "She's the most amazing person, I've ever met..."

Brittany nodded; she knew Quinn was telling the truth; she had gathered a knowledge of when people lied to her; something which came in handy.

"I don't want you to leave." Brittany replied looking over at Rachel who pushed Santana out of the way to do the job herself.

"I know." Quinn said softly; looking at Santana, before looking back to Brittany, "But she needs this... It's a once in a lifetime opportunity... but we'll come back to visit."

Brittany laughed

"She's always been a Cali girl." Brittany replied, with a small smile; Quinn smiled softly; "You know you could change her mind if you wanted..."

"I know." Quinn answered; "She'd probably do it too... if I asked."

Brittany nodded, she wiped her eyes softly; and they stopped talking as Santana walked over; with a little mistletoe in her hair.

"Hey, having all the fun over here; I see..." Santana said, with a playfully smile

"You know us." Brittany replied

"Thanks for saving me, from Godzilla. You know she called me insensitive for inviting her today." Santana said; "She said that I need to cater for her Jewish needs."

Brittany smirked; as Quinn laughed

"I think Rach bitched you, San." Brittany said

"I think so. Can I speak to Quinn alone, Britt?" Santana asked

Brittany smiled; and walked over to Rachel. Santana waited for Brittany to walk away before looking at Quinn.

"We haven't spoken about your... letter." Santana said with a nervous smile; her hand squeezing the other one.

"You didn't mention it. I just assumed you wanted to forget about it." Quinn said, honestly

"I was shocked... actually surprised." Santana said; meeting Quinn's eyes when she looked over, waiting for Santana to elaborate; "Your... raw honesty surprised me. I want to talk about it."

"Okay... I think it's easier for me to... write how I feel that to say it." Quinn stuttered out, Santana immediately sensed that Quinn felt on edge; "I just... I do want to talk, just not with Britt, and Rach here."

"So tonight?" Santana offered; with a soft smile

Quinn nodded, and Santana smiled wider; she nodded, and continued plating up the dining table; as Quinn swallowed thickly; her nerves suddenly peaked by the anticipation about tonight's talk.

Santana realise through the dinner that Quinn was worried about something; she hardly engaged into any conversation; which Brittany and Rachel found normal; given the fact it was Quinn. Santana tried to soothe Quinn's worries; by holding her hand at dinner. Quinn offered a small smile; but then her eyes glossed over, like there was a private show in Quinn's mind.

By the time of the talk; Quinn's hands were shaking, as they were unchanging in their bedroom. Santana was brushing her teeth; as Quinn paced the bedroom.

"Quinn, I wouldn't have mentioned it, if I knew you would have reacted like this." Santana announced as she walked out of the bathroom.

"What?" Quinn asked, feigning innocent

"I'm not gonna interrogate you. I know you, Quinn. I know emotions are hard for you to deal with." Santana said smiling softly, she sat on the bed, "So I think the letters are a good idea for you to talk about your feelings... It's not healthy for you to build them up. So I think you should write... about everything you feel."

Quinn nodded, she perched on the bed, and debated the proposal internally. It was a good idea. writing was clearly easier for her. she nodded lightly; but met Santana's eyes as she spoke again.

"I don't have to read them... I know things... can be personal. I just... I think you should write them, and read them yourself. To deal with yourself. I think it could help. Did writing help you ease your... state of mind? You know... did you feel better?" Santana said; her hand moving to rest on top of Quinn's.

"Yeah... It did feel... like pressure had been lifted." Quinn replied; Santana smiled softly; "I would want you to read them... If I wrote them."

"If you want me too, I will." Santana answered as she entwined her fingers with Quinn's, Quinn pressed her lips to the back of her hand; "Thank you for today..." Santana added in a murmur

"No, thank you." Quinn replied "You've been so forgiving... and I know I don't deserve it."

Santana shook her head

"I promised to help you, didn't I?" Santana replied smiling slightly; she ran her fingers against the side of Quinn's head, tugging some hair around her ear; she watched as Quinn's eyes ran from hers to her lips; "I'll make you better." Santana murmured, before pressing her lips to her forehead.

With a tired sigh, Santana got up; and pulled the covers back and climbed into bed; smiling as she watched as Quinn followed her pattern, and climbed into bed. Quinn switched the light off, and lied back, looking up at the ceiling, before feeling an arm slide against her stomach, she looked down and saw Santana smirking back.

"Go to bed." Santana murmured, before closing her eyes

"Christmas kiss..." Quinn whispered, gently running her fingers along Santana's arm; Santana hummed as if she was debating; she then leaned up, and caught Quinn's lips haphazardly.

Quinn hummed against Santana's lips; before slowly pulling away; watching as Santana smile.

"Was that okay?" Santana asked, biting her bottom lip

"You're perfect." Quinn said

Santana laughed softly; she smacked her lips together; and playfully rolled her eyes; before settling back down to go to sleep; Quinn ran her fingers through Santana's hair.

"Night San." Quinn murmured sleepily; her eyes already drooping, Santana hummed in response.

"_I want to love the way we used to then; Because baby I'm not scared of this world when you're here."_


	9. New Years Eve

I apologise for the wrong date in the last chapter. This is set in 2020; unless specified.

Thanks for all alerts and reviews; they mean a lot. Enjoy this chapter.

New Year's Eve 

31st December 2020

Santana was pacing the bedroom floor; still deciding what to wear to Jamie's party; James Conner; was Quinn's boss; he owned New York leader, where Quinn had worked for the last 5 years. Quinn walked up the stairs, half skimming over her recent article in the newspaper; she looked up and caught Santana muttering to herself.

Quinn smiled softly to herself; before leaning against the door frame, her eyes running over Santana's obvious scattered behaviour.

Quinn laughed lightly when Santana threw a skirt on the bed. Santana's eyes snapped to the door, where they instantly soften at Quinn's appearance.

"You okay?" Quinn asked, walking inside; she dropped the newspaper on bed

"No, I have nothing to wear." Santana muttered, half to herself; before walking back to her wardrobe

"You have plenty to wear." Quinn said, walking up behind Santana, she kissed her bare shoulder; "Besides... We don't even have to go." Quinn added

"I want to go. I've only ever been to one..." Santana said, huffing her cheeks out before turning around to face Quinn; "What are you gonna wear?" Santana asked, rubbing her finger against her eye

"Umm, I have that blue dress... I was gonna wear that." Quinn said, kissing Santana's cheek, before moving over to herself of the closet; and she pulled out the blue dress; she let Santana check it over; Santana smiled.

"You'll look beautiful." Santana said, meeting Quinn's eyes; "anyway, you said you wanted to get there early; right?"

"Yeah..." Quinn said

"I'm gonna take a shower; and then hope to find something... good." Santana said

Quinn nodded, and Santana smiled; and walked off towards the bathroom; Quinn released her breath when she heard the lock being snapped on; and the shower being turned on. Quinn walked off to the other bathroom; where she showered.

Quinn walked back to her bedroom, wrapped in a towel to change back into her dress; she was trying to zip up the back; but failed.

"Here, let me." Santana murmured; locking the zip between her thumb and forefinger; she pulled the zip upwards; and then stepped back.

"Thanks." Quinn said turning around; she smiled softly when she noticed the lightly hum of pink across Santana's cheek; "I picked you out a dress... It's white."

Santana smiled; she walked over towards the wardrobe; she took the hanger off, revealing the dress Quinn had picked.

"It's okay, right?" Quinn asked; as she turned round from the desk; the hairdryer resting on her lap; Santana nodded.

"It looks good... thank you." Santana said

Quinn smiled, and turned back to the mirror; she switched the hairdryer back on, dragging her brush through her honey locks. Santana slipped her dress on, and walked over towards Quinn, who noticed and zipped her dress up.

"You wanna dry your hair?" Quinn asked

"Yeah, please." Santana said

Quinn stood up; and let Santana sit down to dry her hair; she then curled her hair; she switched the curler off; before turning round towards Quinn.

"You ready to leave?" Santana asked, slipping her shoes on

"Yeah... I'm ready to leave." Quinn said, rubbing a layer of lip gloss on; she smiled as Santana grabbed her clutch and walked passed towards the door; they walked down the stairs. Quinn passed the car keys to Santana who opened the car; they climbed inside; and droved casually towards Quinn's office.

Santana parked up; and they stepped out. Santana locked the car; before walking round to Quinn who was waiting for her. Quinn smiled softly; when Santana took Quinn's hand.

"This is going to be fun." Santana murmured sarcastically; Quinn smiled with a lightly smile; she rubbed her thumb against Quinn's hand. They walked inside, and then towards the elevator.

"Hey Quinn." George said as he walked towards the elevator with his wife

"Hey George..." Quinn said politely; with a soft smile; "San, this is George, he's an editor."

"Hey, nice to meet you." Santana said

"You too." George replied; as they stepped inside the elevator; Quinn pressed the button to the roof; Santana rolled her eyes, as George began talking quietly to his wife. Quinn rubbed Santana's waist; gaining Santana's attention.

"I thought maybe we could book an appointment." Quinn suggested; "Just to see how far along you are... I could call Tina tomorrow."

"Chang-Chang?" Santana replied with a smirk; "Sure, Q... That's a good idea, actually."

Quinn moved her hand further up her waist; the doors binged, and then opened, George and his wife stepped out; before Quinn and Santana followed after them.

"Let's go say hi to Jamie." Quinn said, kissing Santana's cheek; Santana nodded agreeing. Quinn walked towards Jamie who was sipping a beer.

"Hey Quinn." Jamie said smiling cheekily; Quinn smiled towards him; "And Santana, thanks for coming."

"Thanks for the invite." Santana replied

Jamie smiled; and shook her hand politely.

"Please have a good time, kids." Jamie said, with a slight smirk; he nodded and walked off into the direction of a small group of guys.

Santana turned towards Quinn, so they were facing each other.

"I'm gonna get some juice, do you want some or water?" Quinn asked

"I'll have water." Santana said

Quinn nodded and walked towards the table. Santana was looking around, trying to quench the need to take her phone out and appear busy to avoid awkward introductions.

"Santana, right?" Charlie asked, as she walked closer to Santana

"Yeah... You're Quinn's assistant, right?" Santana asked; hoping not to be wrong; Charlie nodded

"Yeah..." Charlie said; "Here she is..."

Quinn smiled; and passed Santana a bottle of water.

"Hey Charlie." Quinn said with a soft smile

Santana unscrewed her bottle cap; and took a sip.

"Did you know that Mike might be up for an editor position?" Charlie said

"No, he deserved it though." Quinn said; "He's worked so hard... More so than Joe."

Charlie nodded

"I hate Max." Charlie said; as she watched Max stalk after Jamie; Quinn followed her gaze, and nodded.

"He's a jerk." Quinn replied

"I'm gonna go to the toilet." Santana said, placing her bottle on the side; she offered a smile before walking off. Santana finished in the toilets; she walked out; and debated whether to stay inside for a little while longer; just as she was going to walk out; she bumped into someone; "Shit..." Santana added in a mumble

"No, it was my fault. I wasn't looking."

Santana looked up and met what can only be described as a dashing smile.

"I'm Max... Max Crawford." Max said, as he held out his hand; Santana took it

"Santana." she replied

"Santana what?" Max asked, with a smirk; his hand still holding hers

"Lopez." Santana added, before taking her hand away

"Nice..." Max said; "So you having fun?"

Santana laughed

"Yes... I'm cold dead sober at one of the wildest nights of my life." Santana smirked

"Yeah... It's pretty terrible." Max added; "I should go... I actually needed the bathroom. See you out there."

Santana nodded, and walked outside; she found Quinn where they were previously; Charlie wasn't anywhere closeby.

"Hey." Santana said, snapping Quinn out of her haze

"Is it bad that we're been here for only 15 minutes and I want to leave already?" Quinn asked

"You wanted to come." Santana replied; picking up her water; she sipped some slowly; "We could have just stayed at home... or gone to Blaine's party."

"Then let's go... Let's go to Blaine's." Quinn said

Santana quirked her eyebrow up; Quinn grabbed her hand, and looked around, before rushing softly towards the elevator. Once the doors opened, they quickly got inside; and pressed the button to the ground floor.

Santana turned to Quinn, who was already looking at her. Santana stepped closer, Quinn quirked her eyebrow up. Santana smiled; and leaned closer, dipping her head in; Quinn reacted by leaning up; just before their lips met; the doors opened.

Santana sighed, and took Quinn's hand, they stepped out; and made their way to their car. As they were driving to Blaine's; Santana turned to look at Quinn.

"Do you wanna text Blaine?" Santana asked

"Tell him that we're actually coming." Quinn said; taking her phone out; she quickly typed a message to Blaine; who responded about a minute later; "He said it's cool... I think he's excited you're coming. He asked specially if Snixx looked hot."

Santana laughed loudly

"I love Blaine." Santana murmured, more to herself than anyone else; Quinn smiled; she leaned over, and took Santana's free hand, she watched Santana's expression as she laced their fingers together; Santana smiled softly; "We're nearly here..." Santana added, flicking her eyes softly towards Quinn; before turning round the corner, she parked up about 3 minutes away from Blaine and Kurt's house.

They walked up towards the house; Santana looked over at Quinn, who was swinging her arms limply; she immediately grabbed Quinn's hand; making Quinn look towards her.

"You're nervous." Santana said

Quinn nodded; she squeezed Santana's hand before looking ahead.

"I just haven't seen any of them... since before." Quinn explained; "They all know...-"

"And they don't care." Santana interrupted; "Seriously Q, Only Rach and Britt actually care. The rest of them don't... well, maybe Blaine and Kurt, and Tina... but no one else."

Santana walked round the back, into the garden; her hand let loose of Quinn's to push over the gate; Santana saw Blaine; and walked over.

"Hey Warbler." Santana called, Blaine grinned happily; and immediately wrapped his arms around her.

"Hey, San... It's great to see you." Blaine replied, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, before stepping back; "I'm glad you came... Although I'm surprised you came with Quinn...-"

"She's my wife, Blaine. There's nothing surprising about it." Santana answered, defensively

"She cheated, San... I guess the apple doesn't fall so far from the tree... I mean with her father-" Blaine stopped when he saw Quinn to the side of Santana, almost using Santana as a shield; Quinn didn't wait for an explanation before walking off; Santana went after her.

"Quinn, stop." Santana said, grabbing her wrist

"Give me a moment?" Quinn asked, the need clearly laced beneath those hazel eyes; Santana nodded, but leaned down, and pressed her lips ever so softly to Quinn's.

"You're nothing like your father." Santana murmured lovingly; Quinn stroked Santana's cheek before walking off; Santana watched her leave the garden, obviously to walk and calm down or to sit in the car. She would check both within 10 minutes if Quinn didn't return.

Santana then found Kurt and Brittany sitting on a patch of grass in the corner; Kurt was drunk, he kept mumbling to himself before going back to his nap; and had a pile of grass covering his lap from Brittany.

"I'm sorry about tonight. I know you aren't having fun." Brittany said

"Start the year, how you plan to end it... And I'm alone." Santana said, "My wife has been missing for almost 2 hours..."

Brittany pouted; before throwing another handful of grass on the pile.

"She's sensitive about her.. Family. You know that?" Brittany reminded her; Santana nodded; "Don't make it harder on her; Blaine's been our friend since high school, if he can say that to her... It's gotta hurt. Being compared to someone who you strongly dislike."

Santana nodded, looking from Brittany to the ground, she rubbed her fingers along the mud; watching as the mud coloured her fingers.

"I'm gonna leave... I'll see you, Britt.". said Santana, as she stood up, wiping the back of her dress.

"Bye San." Brittany said, hugging Santana tightly; Santana tugged on Brittany's ponytail affectionately; "Meanie..." Brittany called after her retreating figure; Santana smirked at Brittany's pout.

Santana walked to the car, seeing Quinn sitting in the driving seat; she sighed before walking round to the passenger seat, snapping Quinn out of her daydream as she climbed inside.

Santana pulled her seatbelt on slowly; before turning to Quinn.

"Are you okay?" Santana asked

"Yeah." Quinn replied, turning the engine on; she reversed out of their parking before making their journey home.

"You're not Russell, Quinn. You know this." Santana said, watching Quinn's expressions flicker across her face; Santana placed her hand on top of Quinn's knee, she rubbed her thumb across her skin.

"I'm sorry." Quinn murmured

Santana shook her head lightly, squeezing her knee as a silent message of forgiveness

"You don't have to apologise for anything, Q." Santana said; letting her thumb draw half hearted semi circles on the underside of Quinn's knee, earning a low giggle from Quinn as she hit her tickle spot; Santana laughed softly; and let her fingers join her thumb; Quinn pushed her hand away, only for Santana to let their fingers lace together, "I'm with you, okay? We promised forever." Santana added after a few seconds of looking at their perfect matched handhold.

"Thank you." Quinn whispered, Santana tapped her forefinger against her knuckle repeatedly.

"You never have to thank me for saying something that you would have said." Santana said

"Would I though?" Quinn spoke honestly; "I think you're the most forgiving person I've ever met..."

"No, I'm really not, Quinn. I just... I love you more than anything." Santana said, "And I know if I lost you; it'd be the end of me too."

Quinn shook her head, kissing Santana's knuckles softly.

You know that's not true." Quinn said, "You're a star, San... Burning so fucking bright."

Santana laughed

"You're such a dork." Santana said

"I know." Quinn said; turning the keys to switch the engine off; they climbed out and walked ahead; inside their home.

"Hey, do you just wanna go to bed?" Quinn asked; hanging up her jacket on the hanger; Santana nodded, and locked the door behind her. Santana then followed after Quinn who made her way upstairs towards their bedroom; "Can you unzip me?" Quinn asked, moving her hair, so Santana could grasp the zip; she pulled it down, and tugged the dress down Quinn's shoulders; Santana then stepped back, and walked towards the dressing table; she was taking her earrings off.

Quinn hung her dress on the chair, silently reminding herself to take it to the dry cleaners tomorrow. She pulled an old t-shirt on, and then tugged some shorts on, she then knelt on the floor, looking for some socks to wear.

"What are you looking for?" Santana asked, as she pulled a vest on; Quinn pulled them out.

"Found them." Quinn declared with a proud smile; Santana rolled her eyes, before walking towards the bathroom; "San, are you taking a shower?" Quinn asked as she pulled herself up, rubbing her sock covered toe into the floor

"Brushing my teeth." Santana called out, before lowering her head to spit out some toothpaste; Quinn walked in, and smiled before grabbing her toothbrush; they stood in silence, as they continued their routine before bed.

"I'll meet you in bed." Santana said, wiping her hand against her mouth; Quinn nodded, and Santana walked out of the room; Quinn pulled the toothbrush out of her mouth. Why did everything feel so wrong? Why did having Santana in her bed feel bad? Quinn pulled those types of thoughts out of her head before gently washing her face before wiping it with a towel.

Quinn walked out, closing the bathroom door; she saw her clutch and smile softly. She walked over, and took a folded piece of paper; she looked back at Santana. Seeing black tresses running down a caramel neck; she smiled to herself, reading 11:46pm on clock. She walked over, and pulled the covers back; and climbed in; shuddering slightly when her leg touched Santana's.

Santana rolled over, smiling softly at Quinn who was struggling to get a good position; once she finally did; she turned to Santana.

"I wrote... another letter. When I was in the car." Quinn explained as she passed the paper to Santana; who nodded; "I want you to read it before the New Year's." Quinn said rolling her eyes more to herself than anyone else.

"Should I read it now?" Santana asked

"I can leave if you want." Quinn said biting her lip, as she looked at Santana's expression; Santana shook her head, taking Quinn's hand.

"No... I want you here." Santana said; "Thank you for this." Santana added as she looked at the letter before looking back at Quinn; she pressed a kiss to Quinn's temple; before pulling back; "I'll... start."

Quinn nodded, and leaned back, watching in anticipation as Santana sat up; putting her glasses on. Santana unfolded the paper; smoothing it out, so she could read it.

_Santana, _

_I thought about us. I always think about us. I have problems. So many fucking problems. That you should have to deal with. You don't have to deal with, not anymore. I will sort them out, my failure to be a mother to Beth, my failure to give up Beth completely, my fucking obsessive need to appease my parents; all of them, Santana. But I need her. I still need her. _

_I think about her constantly, she'll be 11 this year. I always sent her a card and a present; thanks to Shelby... I guess. I'll never be her mother; Beth will always be Shelby's daughter. A price to pay for my stupid choices. You always gave me the choice; to visit Beth... I love you for it; but I will only be more messed up if I see her. _

_My problems are mine. As selfish as that sounds. I don't want you to be a part of them. You will only complicate them further. It's part of your charm; to help. To help the ones you love. Your help only complicates me, because I worry. I worry constantly that you will find out that I'm not worth it. _

_That I'm too broken for you. That I'm not worth you. That I'm never going to be good. That you are just wasting your time with a wasted course._

_I'm not Brittany, San. I'm not going to be good, to be everything you deserve. I actually wished you loved her still. It would make your life so easy. It would make us so easy. _

_I have a confession though, I do need Beth. _

_I know reading that; it will probably kill you. But please don't freak when you read that. I promise you, Santana. I will not be interfering in Beth's life. Not now, not ever. It's not fair not Beth, she doesn't deserve to be messed up just because her genes clearly indicate that she will end up, mentally fucked up._

_I know you will accept that. You're perfect like that. I am not. I'm not even close, San. I'm far from perfect. _

_I still hate the tension which is between us. I hate that I have to watch your reaction when I want to hold your hand. I hate how we are acting practically like strangers... And I don't want it, like this. I want to be able to hug you, kiss you without panicking if you will tell me not to. Talk to me, Santana. Tell me to stop and I will._

_I love you, Santana. I am writing this on New Year's; to make you a promise. I promise to make you the happiest you've ever been. I promise to be better for you; and our child. Ours is a love which is meant to be._

_I will always love you, Santana Lopez._

_Yours only, _

_Quinn Fabray-Lopez._

Santana placed the letter down, and looked over at Quinn who was looking pretty occupied with her nails; Santana took her glasses off, she sighed softly.

"I love you too." Santana murmured, before pressing her lips firmly to Quinn's.

Not wasting anytime; Quinn kissed back just as firmly; her thin lips pressing against Santana's full lips. Quinn let her hand slide to the middle of Santana's back, slowly spreading her fingers against the skin. Quinn felt Santana's hand curve around the back of her neck, pulling her unbelievably closer; Quinn hummed against Santana's lips.

Only for Santana for part her lips tentatively, testingly. Quinn waited for Santana. For Santana to deem this. After a few seconds, Santana's tongue peeked out, and ran against Quinn's bottom lip; Quinn reacted by opening her mouth to let Santana deepen the kiss.

Quinn smiled as she tasted Santana, felt Santana's fingers dip into the flesh of her neck. Quinn felt consumed by Santana. On a sensor overload, she pulled away immediately; licking her lips as her eyes flickered across Santana's face.

"Happy New Year." Santana murmured, looking over at the clock, which just hit 12:03am; Santana ran her eyes back over to Quinn; "I love you, Quinn..." Santana whispered, before pressing her lips back to Quinn's who smiled into their kiss. Murmuring sweet declarations of love to each other between sweet kisses.

_You're the closer to heaven, that I'll ever be. And I don't wanna go home right now. _


	10. Life isn't as you planned

Thanks for all reviews, and alerts. I'm glad people like it. There is more lovin to come; but first some angst; as I know you all just love when things are going bad. Hope you like this chapter :)

5th January 2013

Santana stretched lightly before rolling onto her floor, muffling her face into her pillow, as she felt fingers scratch along her waist, tickling and teasing the smoothness of her caramel skin. Quinn smiled as her followed her fingers mark a path along the silver between Santana's shorts and her t-shirt. Santana mumbled something unintelligible and incoherently; Quinn smiled to herself. She adored Santana was she first woke up, somewhere in between the most adorable person and a monster. Life was great, Quinn thought before deciding to wake her wife up.

"Wake up..." Quinn murmured; kissing her neck, before climbing out of bed; and walking off into the bathroom; Santana rolled over but remained in bed; she covered her face even when she heard the soft hum of the shower being on; "San, come shower... Our appointment soon."

Quinn walked back inside; and tugged on the curtains, spraying bright light into Santana's face; who immediately sat up to stop it the sun's morning rays.

"Fine, meanie.." Santana said, climbing out of bed; she walked passed Quinn before left a quick kiss on her cheek before walking into the bathroom, closing the door behind her; leaving herself to shower alone. Quinn smiled; and walked to the wardrobe; she changed into a jeans and a jumper; she pulled her hair into a loose pony tail before walking downstairs; and making some coffee.

"Morning." Santana called as she walked down the stairs; she grabbed the glass of orange juice, Quinn had poured for her; taking a large gulp before looking at Quinn who was leaning against the counter; "Hi." Santana added as she leaned over, and pressed her lips to Quinn's softly.

Ever since New year's; things had improved dramatically; Quinn and Santana had made it their aim to ensure that their physical intimacy didn't falter due to issues which they were targeting to work out.

Santana pulled back licking her lips, tasting Quinn of her lips; she smiled at Quinn who looked at her adoringly.

"Tina texted me to remind us we should be there at half 11." Quinn said, checking the clock which she clicked quarter past.

Santana nodded, biting her bottom lip teasingly before stepping back; she walked to the front door, and pulled her jacket on; before tugging her converse on; she turned to Quinn who jingled the key; she nodded and they walked out.

Quinn smiled as she looked over at Santana; she quickly looked back at the road, wanting to ensure she was safe, it was still winter; and the roads were notorious for being icy. Quinn braked as traffic built up.

"Rush hour... at 11..." Santana muttered to herself; Quinn smirked at Santana's muttering; she hated New York traffic. Her temper couldn't handle it.

"Just hold on." Quinn said, as she squeezed Santana's knee; Quinn then began edging forward until she turned right; she carried on for a few blocks before turning into the local car park; she paid the fare; and they then began walking towards the clinic. Tina Cohen Chang, their friend from high school graduated from Harvard with a P.H.D in Neuroscience; she was also a specialise Obstetrician; which is why she offered her services to Santana and Quinn.

Tina warmly welcomed them into her office; allowing Santana to sit on the available seat; she opened up Santana's file on her laptop, typing a few comments before turning to face her friends and patients.

"Hey guys, I'm happy you're here. I did see you at Blaine's..." Tina said; helping Santana take her jacket off, so she could take a blood sample; "This may hurt a little bit." Tina added as she slid the neddle into Santana's arm, taking a sample of blood; she placed it down, before covering up Santana's arm up.

"All done?" Quinn asked, rubbing her fingers along Santana's other arm

"Yeah, I'll just get the results... Wait here." Tina said, before walking out with the blood sample; she returned a few minutes later; and sat on her computer chair; she was typing on her keyboard; "Hang on... Have you had any pain or...-"

Tina's expression was a mixture of concern and confusion. Santana looked from the computer to Tina; before talking.

"I had some slight pain just after New Year's... but it went away, as quick as it came. I didn't think anything of it. Was it... What's wrong?." Santana said; Quinn nodded in agreement, she knew that Santana experienced some slight pain.

"Can you guys sit?" Tina asked; she watched as Quinn immediately took the seat opposite; and Santana sat next to her

"What's going on?" Quinn asked, "Is there something wrong?"

Tina turned to them; she looked upset; nervous to tell them something; Santana immediately took Quinn's hand.

"I want you to know that this is extremely common in most women's first pregnancies." Tina said, she rubbed her hands together; "I'm sorry, but you're not pregnant. You had a miscarriage, Santana. I am so sorry."

Santana released Quinn's hand, as the shock ran through her. Quinn snapped her eyes from Santana to Tina.

"A miscarriage...? But wouldn't we have noticed? Don't you bleed or something?" Quinn said, clearly in surprise by Tina's announcement; as Santana took it to heart directly.

"Santana was only about two weeks, maybe three weeks pregnant... That pain that Santana experienced was probably the miscarriage, blood would only be expected during a much later pregnancy maybe around 12 weeks and after... San, One in five women experiences a miscarriage for their first pregnancy; nothing is suggesting you will miscarriage again. Lots of women go on to have very healthly babies and plently of them." Tina explained, knowing that this would be an extreme blow for Santana and Quinn, who obviously wanted a family dearly; "I recommend you try again, guys. Your body's healthy, San. It's a natural thing, no one knows what causes it; but it wasn't caused by you." Tina encouraged; smiling tentatively

"I can't believe this." Santana muttered more to herself than the other two people in the room; even though they heard loud and clear; Santana rubbed her eyes; she stood up; and immediately walked out; not waiting for Quinn who rushed after her.

"Santana." Quinn called, as Santana made her way to their car; "Santana." Quinn called again; before grabbing Santana's arm; tugging her to stop; "Santana, stop this. Stop running away from me."

Santana scoffed; she tugged her arm free.

"This is what you wanted; me... to have nothing." Santana shouted, pushing Quinn away by her shoulder; "You got what you fucking wanted. I lost... I lost the only thing I wanted. The only which was I asked for. I wanted a baby; you didn't care... If I wasn't moaning to you about a child; you could just fade away..."

Santana grabbed a handful of her hair and tugged tightly; she stepped back. She looked around the busy city.

"I need some space, Quinn." Santana said, solemly; her expression looking distressed. Quinn nodded, silently giving her answer.

"I can give you that." Quinn said, trying her hardest not to cry; Santana sighed.

"I'll be home later. I just need to think." Santana said; before walking off. Quinn watched her retreating figure; and internally kicked herself for letting Santana go off on her own. She shouldn't have to go through this; this wasn't supposed to happen not to her. Quinn climbed into her car, and spent about an hour, crying with her head resting on the steering wheel. Quinn made several calls, to Brittany, Rachel, Blaine, and a few other people who she felt deserved to know.

Quinn arrived home at two-ish; with no signal of Santana's return. She changed into some shorts and a jumper before settling on the couch for Santana's return. No wanting a moment to comfort her when she did return. Quinn later fell asleep on the couch; she tugged a blanket on top of herself; hoping the thoughts of her lost child would stop running through her head.

Santana arrived home just after 12am; she ignored Quinn and walked directly to their bedroom, locking the door behind her. She didn't need Quinn. She didn't need Brittany, or Rachel. Their offer to help wasn't needed. She needed her child. This whole day had haunted her. Why tease her with the idea of being pregnant only to rip it from her desperate clutches?

Santana didn't sleep; she heard the soft platter of Quinn's feet towards their bedroom door; Santana held her breath, as she heard Quinn's nimble fingers wrap around the door handle; she tugged it down and subsequently uncovered that it was locked. Santana held her breath as she heard Quinn's sad sigh.

"I love you, San." Quinn murmured, affectionately; Santana could taste the sincerity in her tone, before Quinn's footsteps decreased towards the spare bedroom.

Santana bit her bottom lip before pulling her covers over her head. The pain she was feeling only increased as she pushed away the only person she knew who could get her through this. Quinn didn't understand, she didn't want this baby like Santana did. This was Santana's idea, to have a child. Quinn went along with purely to support her wife; not denying that she didn't want a child, she did. She was ready to be a mother. They were ready. But life was clearly not ready for them.

As her eyes flicker to shut; she imagined her child. Slightly tanned, a mixture of her and Quinn. Their skin colour would be beautiful. Dark eyes like Santana, or light hazel like Quinn. Santana didn't mind, their child would have been beautiful regardless. Her conscious was occupied with the miscarriage; her subconscious was occupied with what her child would have been like. Quick temper like her, or calm like Quinn. Santana secretly hoped it would have been fiercely collected, calm. Understanding, quick witted. Just like her mother.

In the other room, Quinn lay awake, doing the exact same, wishing what could have been. And hoped that it would be. She wanted a family with Santana; and this event today; only to cemented that hope even more.

_Nobody said it was easy. It's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard. Oh take me back to the start. _


	11. Baby, baby

Thanks for reviews, alerts etc hope everyone enjoys this chapter.

12nd January 2021

Life's funny, isn't it? You plan everything, you make mistakes, you fix them; and then life throws you a curve ball. Santana hasn't spoken to me since we found out. I don't include the simple worded answers or statements like 'Dinner's ready' or 'I'm going to bed now'.

It wasn't our fault, it wasn't her fault. I'm positive of that. Life just loves to throw a curve ball. I just never thought that our child would be the curve ball in this case. Santana refuses to talk about it; I want to. I just know how hard this is for her. I've lost a child before; I've done this.

Her eyes are blank now. Much like mine used to be... but I need to be here for her; I have to be here for her. She's been reading the same page for nearly 15 minutes now; I know she knows I'm watching her. I'm waiting for her to snap. I'm waiting her rage to erupt; which it eventually will. I will let her breath for now, but the time will come.

Quinn cleared her throat, and looked back down to her half eaten breakfast, it was just toast; Santana didn't wake up early to prepare anything else; and she didn't trust Quinn in the kitchen after her failed attempts.

"Are you going to work?" Quinn asked, her eyes running along the rim of her coffee mug

"I'm leaving now." Santana answered, pushing her chair back; she dropped the newspaper on the side, and carefully grabbed her briefcase; "Bye." Santana added as she reached the front door, she walked out, closing the door behind her, not bothering to wait for Quinn's response.

Santana walked through to her office, ignoring how Jane's attempt to converse as she listed off the missed calls she needed to call back; and placed her mail on her desk. Santana excused Jane, and asked for no interruptions, until her first appointment which was not for another hour.

Santana was refusing more and more divorce cases; and focusing more on training stand. She was working with three college students who were studying Law. It was a time waster. They probably wouldn't gain a position at Davis and Colin's anyway; it was too superior for college students, and regularly poached its lawyers from other firms instead of training lawyers directly from college. But training college students did gain them positive publicity which was always helpful for gaining business.

Charlotte easily noticed the change in Santana, even before she found out. Charlotte Meyer, she was a Law graduate at NYU; and met Santana in their last year; which was a surprise considering they had two classes with each other for the previous years. Charlotte was beautiful; she was about 5'6, medium blonde hair, and cloudy blue eyes. She was very dominant; strong willed, smart. All qualities which she shared with Santana. Charlotte recognised the vulnerability in Santana, when she returned back to work after the Christmas break. The final cut was when she found out that Santana wasn't leaving the firm; which now led her to be standing outside Santana's office.

"Come in." Santana called out after Charlotte knocked again, more impatient this time. Charlotte walked in, closing the door behind her.

"Are you seriously staying?" Charlotte asked, as she took a seat opposite Santana's desk; Santana released a deep breath.

"There's no point in leaving." Santana muttered, letting her pen continue its mission across the page

"How about the partnership at French's?" Charlotte exaggerated

Santana ignored her; Charlotte bit her tongue, she knew the miscarriage was the reason for this behaviour; for the refusal to move to California, to quit her job.

Charlotte cleared her throat, trying to think of the word to say which would be comforting, and right for the situation. The last thing she wanted to do was insult or upset Santana anymore.

"I'm here for you... you know that right?" Charlotte reminded her softly; her tone reeking of familiarity and concern; Santana shook her head, but didn't stop writing; "Do you want me to leave you alone?"

"I've got the trainees coming in soon... so that would be... helpful actually." Santana said, the hostility was still in her tone; it clearly sent Charlotte a message.

Charlotte nodded; and stood up.

"I mean it, San..." Charlotte added before walking out; and closing the door lightly behind her. Santana dropped her pen, and looked up to the door; before closing her eyes, and trying not to let her emotions get the better of her. There was a loud knock at her door, signally the arrival of her students.

"Breath..." Santana muttered several times; before standing up; and smoothing her skirt down, she walked to the door, and opened it; meeting the fresh faces of her trainees; she plastered a smile on her face, and stuck her hand out; "Welcome again." Santana said; as they individually shook her hand, their nerves showing clearly; Santana could relate to their worries; "Come inside; we'll begin straight away."

Santana stepped out of their way; and allowed the three trainees to walk inside her office; she looked up and briefly met Charlotte's worried eyes; she looked to the floor; and closed the door behind her.

"So, Robert, Sarah, and William, right?" Santana said, as she walked back to her desk, to pick up her folder; she walked to the small table, the three people were sitting around; they nodded in agreement; as Santana sat down; "Good, shall we continue where we finished yesterday?"

Robert nodded, with a grin. They were doing criminal law. Surprise surprise; the upper class capitalist enjoyed this part of the course more than all others. Robert Green was a confident man in manner, he was cock sure of his ability to become a great lawyer; something which Sarah and William didn't possess.

"We were discussing _children_... who commit adult crimes. Should they be tried at an adult court?" Santana said, re-reading her notes; "Robert stated that children who commit serious crimes; deemed at an adult level should be tried as adults... despite not being an adult. William disagreed... Sarah?"

Santana looked up, to meet Sarah's focus.

"What?" Sarah said

Robert laughed, at Sarah's nerves.

"Watch it." Santana warned; snapping her eyes at Robert; before looking back at Sarah; "Your view?"

"I agree with Robert." Sarah stated

"Why?" Santana replied, looking back down at her notes

"The court tries offenders on their crime, not on their age. I agree that Children who commit such crimes that they must be deemed adults in order to gain a suitable sentence." Sarah said

"Most adults who have committed a serious crime when they were only children end up, either dead or in prison." Robert added

"I remember not asking for your opinion again, Mr Green." Santana said

"This is supposed to be a discussion." Robert said

"You discussed enough yesterday. I still have a headache from it." Santana said

"Wow..." Robert muttered

"You have something to say, Mr Green; you say it. The court doesn't appreciate a lawyer who mutters to himself." Santana said, her voice raising slightly

"I said wow... It's called being sarcastic to the fact you're a bitch." Robert said, "You've allowed us to discuss nothing."

Santana rubbed her temple.

"Do you know what Mr Green? You won't become a lawyer; you know why? Because of your attitude. How many cases have I won? 186; that's in less than 5 years, and majority went to court. You are a stupid little boy who assumes that because his daddy is rich; he will automatically become entitled to everything." Santana snapped as she glared at Robert who looked upset at being insulted; "Get out of my office..." Santana added

"Now!" Santana shouted when Robert didn't move; Robert quickly got up; and walked out, closing the door behind him.

"What the fuck?" Robert mumbled, he looked around when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Aren't you supposed to be in there still?" Charlotte asked

"She kicked me out." Robert replied

"Mrs Lopez?" Charlotte asked to clarify; when Robert nodded; Charlotte knocked on Santana's office door. Within a few seconds, it answered; "Hey, Robert said you kicked him out."

"I'm saving him the trouble. He'll probably swap to maths or something like that." Santana said, her eyes flashing from Robert's eyes to Charlotte's; "Aren't you supposed to be busy?" Santana added

Charlotte shook her head; and watched as Santana walked back into her office; the door closing behind her.

"Just come back tomorrow, Robert." Charlotte said; before leading him to the elevator.

Charlotte walked back to her office, and called Quinn's number; after three rings, Quinn answered with a soft hello.

"Hey, Quinn. It's Charlotte. I'm calling about Santana..." Charlotte replied

"Is she okay?" Quinn said, "Is she hurt?"

"No, she's fine... Listen, we know what happened and it's easy to see how effected she is." Charlotte said

"She won't talk to me; she won't talk to her mom; she isn't even calling Brittany." Quinn said; "I don't know what to say; and everything I do say only seems to sound insensitive... Did she say anything to you?"

"She told what happened; but other than that; nothing." Charlotte said; before biting her bottom lip; she hasn't talked about it at all to you?"

"No, I mean she hardly does anymore." Quinn said; "I don't know what to do. I try to talk but she just pushes me away. Is she busy for lunch?"

"No, she's got some college students to train; so she should finish around half 4 maybe 5." Charlotte said

"I'll come in for lunch; maybe it might be fun." Quinn replied

"Okay, see you then." Charlotte replied before letting Quinn hang up.

Quinn arrived at Santana's office; with some sushi; she walked passed Jane who smiled softly. The smile of knowing Quinn referred it to. Everyone must know.

Quinn lightly knocked on the office door; after a few minutes; Santana opened the door, her blouse was fumbled out at the back; and her feet were bare.

"Are you okay?" Quinn asked, looking at frazzled Santana's appearance.

Santana smoothed a smile; and quickly tucked her shirt into her skirt; before letting Quinn walk inside.

"What are you doing here, Quinn?" Santana asked as she slipped her feet back into the shoes.

"I brought us some food." Quinn replied holding up the sushi bag; Santana bit her bottom lip.

"I'm kinda swamped, Quinn." Santana explained, walking round to her desk

"You have to eat, San." Quinn said; "The doctor explained how you need to replace.. Lost fluids."

Santana slammed her drawer back a little aggressively; surprising Quinn slightly.

"I'm busy." Santana said; "I was just going to grab a sandwich while I type up a report."

"You can eat sushi while typing." Quinn replied; Santana nodded and sat down; Quinn passed Santana a small box; which she opened, slowly ate a piece, under Quinn' gaze.

"What?" Santana said, meeting Quinn's eyes

"Nothing; what kind of reports are they?" Quinn instantly wanting to change the topic; to make Santana feel less threatened.

"Some junior crap." Santana said, casually typing on her keyboard occassionally; "I thought you'd be busy today." Santana added in a low tone, invalid of any emotion.

"No, Jamie gave me the rest of the week off." Quinn replied, after swallowing her mouthful of food.

Santana nodded; she ran her eyes across the computer screen; before pushing the rest of her hardly eaten food away; she notced Quinn's eyes staring at her.

"What?" Santana questioned, not wanting to deal with this now; Quinn sighed.

"I'm worried, San." Quinn said; "I'm fed up with you pushing me away."

"I'm not pushing you away. Don't be ridiculous." Santana ordered, running her fingers through her fringe; she looked at her lap; Quinn bit her lip. Santana clicked her tongue; "Q, I actually have a meeting to get..."

Santana picked up a folder; and quickly dumped her lunch in the rubbish bin. Quinn bit her bottom lip; feeling more lost than anything.

"I love you." Quinn said, tenderly; she looked up and met Santana's eyes; she watched as Santana clenched her jaw; before walking towards the door.

"I'll see you at home, Quinn." Santana said, before opening the door; and walking out; leaving Quinn alone.

Santana walked to the available meeting room; she saw the college students were sitting inside and talking to each other. She was just about to walk inside when she looked back and saw Charlotte talking to Quinn; at her office. Quinn nodded; and then walked off to the elevator.

Santana walked inside the room; and closed the door behind her. Proceeding to spend about 3 hours with the students until they left. Santana didn't notice the time going passed; her apparent hunger had long subsided; as Santana continued to work; reading up on criminal justice as her pain ran through her. The door snapped out, like a bullet; awakening Santana from her slumber.

"Hey... You do realise it's nearly 8 right?" Charlotte asked

"I can read a clock, Charlotte." Santana said, before resuming her eye fixation with her book.

"San, go home." Charlotte said; "It's late..."

"Thanks, but... I'm gonna stay." Santana said, before scribbing some notes down

"We can hit Frankie's?" Charlotte offered

Santana looked up at her; not knowing if it was some sort of trick.

"Your round first." Santana said, as she grabbed her folder and book before walking to her office; Charlotte waited for Santana to grab her stuff before they walked to Frankies; which was the bar just around the corner from their office.

Santana was sitting by the bar; she was nearly finishing her fourth beer. Charlotte was on her second drink.

"San, calm down alright?" Charlotte said as Santana ordered another beer; Santana shrugged her off; before taking another sip; "How are you anyway?"

"I'm fine..." Santana said

"You know I'm here right?" Charlotte asked, placing her hand on Santana's forearm; "Even if you just want someone to shout at."

Santana shook her head; and resumed another sip of her drink.

"Quinn's on her way to pick you up." Charlotte said, licking her lips to moist them; Santana snapped her head to Charlotte in surprise or disbelief.

"Why? Why would call her?" Santana asked

"She was worried; you said you'd be home and you weren't... She texted me." Charlotte said

Santana placed her empty bottle down; and stood up, lightly swaying.

"Stay out of my fucking life." Santana said, before walking towards the entrance; Charlotte followed after her; and they bumped into Quinn.

"I'm parked around the corner." Quinn said

"I'm sorry, she's drunk. I should have texted you early." Charlotte explained, reaching out to brace Santana

"It's fine... Pure Santana." Quinn said

"And what's that supposed to mean, Quinn?" Santana snapped

"It means you don't talk; you just get drunk." Quinn said, "Are you okay to walk?" Quinn added as Santana stumbled alittle standing still.

"I'm not doing this." Santana said; before pushing Charlotte's hand away; "Leave me alone." Santana muttered before walking off

"San, where are you going?" Quinn shouted after Santana who quickly dissolved from their sight; Charlotte tried to call Santana who didn't pick up; "I'll go drive by and look for her. I'll text you if I find her." Quinn said as charlotte's taxi turned up

"Thanks, I'm sorry... I should have took her home." Charlotte said

"It's fine... Goodnight, Charlotte." Quinn said

"Goodnight." Charlotte said before climbing into the taxi; Quinn then walked round to her car; and climbed inside.

Quinn leaned her head against the steering wheel; her breathing was out of control. She was panicking; and trying to calm herself when all she wanted was Santana.

The passenger door snapped out; and Santana immediately climbed inside, shocking Quinn who was staring at her.

"San.." Quinn muttered before wrapping her arms around her; she tightly hugged her; "Don't ever storm off like that." Quinn added in a low tone, Quinn pulled back and wiped her eyes, removing any traces of tears.

"I'm gonna be sick." Santana said; before opening the car door; and stepping out; Quinn quickly faced the other way when she heard Santana vomiting loudly; before getting out of the car and taking Santana's hair, she held her hand against her hip.

"You finished?" Quinn asked, rubbing her hand along her hip

"Yeah..." Santana said, standing up straight and wiping the back of her hand along her mouth; Quinn wiped her forehead before helping her into the car; Quinn closed the door and then walked to her side of the car.

Quinn drove home; and then helped Santana upstairs to their bedroom; she went to help change Santana when Santana stopped her.

"I can do it myself." Santana said; before grabbing some clothes and walked off into the bathroom.

Quinn sighed to herself; and sunk to the edge of the bed; she quickly got up and changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt; she climbed into bed; and looked over at her bedside table; seeing a letter she had wrote for Santana.

The bathroom door cracked open; she walked out; and towards the bed; climbing into, she pulled the covers over her shoulders, and sighed sadly into the tensed atmosphere.

"I wrote you another letter." Quinn spoke softly into the silence, hearing Santana still for a second before turning over to look at her.

"What are you playing at, Quinn?" Santana asked, her fingers playing with the covers

"I'm not playing at anything. You said you would read them." Quinn said, "I'm just letting you know I wrote another one."

"And I'll read it." Santana said; before rolling back onto her side; "Goodnight, Quinn."

Quinn bit her bottom; she couldn't believe this was happening. Santana had a miscarriage; Quinn closed her eyes and tried to get rid the negative thoughts. Did they deserve this to happen? Quinn threw that thought immediately; Santana didn't deserve this. Quinn looked over to Santana; her black hair coating the white pillow, revealing her neck, the black outline to her tattoo which clearly showed against her tan skin.

Quinn was adament that Santana wasn't to blame. Tina's words running round her brain. "1 out of 5 pregnancies will result in a miscarriage."

Quinn swallowed thickly; before pulling the covers off her, she turned and sat up, facing downwards; she held her head in her hands, and tried to think. The miscarriage, Santana, her other problems. Quinn's mind was a mess. She stood up; and walked out, closing the door behind her.

Quinn picked up the phone, and called the only person who could help her get through to Santana.

"_Hello?_"

"Noah, it's Quinn; I need your help..."

_Only to wake up, with a empty bed on a perfect summer's day. My world just feels so cold, and you find yourself walking down the wrong side of the road._


	12. Doubts

Thanks for all review alerts etc... They do mean a lot. Sorry for not posting chapters quicker. I will be writing more soon. Enjoy.

13th January 2021

Santana woke up; and rubbed her eyes. The pain which filled her head, seemed a perfect accompany to the one which was currently stealing a permanent position in her heart. Santana climbed out of bed; and pulled her half opened white blouse off; dropping it on the floor; as she walked towards the bathroom; slamming the door behind her. Her head ached with the noise.

Quinn was sat at the breakfast table; Charlotte had recently called asking about Santana; and Brittan sent her text explaining how sorry she was; and how she was here if they needed help.

Santana was sat on the bed, towel drying her hair as she changed into some shorts and a vest, with a baggy t-shirt; she was planning on going to the gym on her day off. Her free hand reaching over; and picking up the letter Quinn had left by her phone. Obviously an unsubtle message to actually read it.

_Santana, _

_It's been a week. One week since your world broke completely. I know you're hurting; I'm hurting too. I just need you to know that I love you. A family doesn't complete us. We're perfect. There's no rush to bundle into decisions about trying it again. We will try when you're ready. _

_I beg you, San. Please don't push me away. I gave you some space, because you asked me to let you think. I'll always be here for you. I'll be waiting when you're ready to talk. _

_I understand what you're going. You think you've lost everything, you wanted and needed. I feel the exact same when I lost Beth. _

_We can try again, there's nothing stopping you from getting pregnant again, Tina even said that. We can't give up hope. I won't let you give up hope. Which is why, I want to try another insemination whenever you're ready._

_Talk to me, San. Tell me what's going on; Tell me how I can help. Because honestly, I don't know how. You were always the one who knew how to fix things, how to fix people. _

_I will always love you, Santana Lopez._

_Yours only, _

_Quinn Fabray-Lopez_

Santana; acting on anger, rushed downstairs; she saw Quinn looking at her phone at the kitchen table.

"Is this a fucking joke?" Santana snapped; throwing the letter on the table; Quinn looked up at Santana's expression, her eyes near black with anger.

"No... I... I don't get..." Quinn said, her hand grabbing the letter; she then looked up at Santana, "It's not a joke."

"You better fucking hope not. How dare you? How dare you compare my fucking miscarriage to you giving Beth up for adoption!" Santana shouted; her hand slamming against the table as if to mark her point; "It will never be the same thing; you have no idea what I'm going through. I want a child more than anything; and for you... to say giving up Beth is the same is sick. Your child is alive, and happy... I will never have that. Not with that child."

Quinn's eyes were searching Santana's face, for a chance to save this. To calm Santana down.

"This letter proves that. You have no idea what I'm going through..." Santana hissed; before stalking off; towards the front door; grabbing her shoes and bag; Santana throw one more look behind her shoulders; before walking out; Quinn sighed sadly when the door slammed behind her.

Santana was driving down the block; before pulling on the curb when her tears became too much. Burying her face into her hands; she cried for what seemed like hours. Suddenly Santana sat up; and wiped her eyes; she had promised Brittany and Rachel to come to the gym. She needed at least something to take her mind of everything. Starting the engine, Santana made her way to meet Brittany and Rachel.

Santana parked up; and walked over to Brittany and Rachel who were talking; Brittany instantly stopped and smiled brightly; before wrapping her arms around Santana. Giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, Rachel let go of Santana; and the three of them walked inside.

Santana was running fast on the treadmill; as Rachel jogged steadily beside her; Brittany had wandered off to see if there was a Jacuzzi. Rachel looked over at Santana, who was staring straight ahead, obviously in her own state of mind.

"You looked angry when you arrived. We could have gone bowling or something else... if you wanted." Rachel said, checking her watch to see how long she was jogging for; Santana eased up to a moderately jog.

"I got into an argument with Quinn... again." Santana explained

"About the miscarriage?" Rachel asked

"She said her giving up Beth was the same thing... and I flipped." Santana said; before stopping; she got off the treadmill; and picked up a towel; wiping the sweat from her face and neck; she looked up and met Rachel's eyes who looked furious; "Rach?"

"I can't believe her. I literally can't believe her." Rachel said, almost in a mumble to herself more than anyone else; "She really had the nerve to say that?" Rachel quirked her eyebrow at Santana in question.

"Yeah... She doesn't get it." Santana said; wiping her hands on the towel before passing one to Rachel who had climbed off the treadmill too; "I'll probably go back to 'blank' Quinn from now on." Santana mumbled as they walked over to Brittany who was walking towards them.

"Jacuzzi time." Brittany squealed; wiping her hand across her forehead to remove the sweat which was still lingering; "What's wrong?" Brittany inquired

"We'll tell you in the Jacuzzi, Britt." Santana said; before following Brittany to the changing rooms; to change into a bikini or bathing suit for the Jacuzzi.

Brittany was looking at Santana in shock; Santana had explained this morning to her; and Brittany couldn't believe it.

"I can't believe you let her get away so easily for that comment. It's... Insensitive, San. She clearly has no idea what-" Brittany said

_"_It was her child too... I mean she lost Beth albeit not in the same way... Now she lost this child. Am I being... I don't know, Am I in the wrong? Did I overreact?" Santana said, quirking her eyebrow up in question to which she received two pained expressions; "I don't want to apologise... I was insulted; she has a child; she's very alive. I think what hurts the most is the fact she hasn't talked about our child. It's always about Beth."

Brittany nodded along with Rachel

"It's hard for both of you; but you lost a child together; and she needs to talk to you about that." Rachel said

"She kept saying I know what you're going through. How can she know when she's never asked?" Santana said; before running her fingers her messy fringe; "I just... I feel like a complete jerk, for not talking to her. Then she does this... And it kinds helps sense that I wouldn't speak to her."

Santana bit her bottom lip; she looked from Rachel to Brittany.

"What's killing me is I don't think she wants a child with me!" Santana said, watching as Rachel shook her head adamently

"Of course, she does." Brittany said, "Maybe she's not getting upset so you don't."

Santana shook her head

"It doesn't make sense... Either she doesn't want a child; or she doesn't want one with me." Santana said; before climbing out of the Jacuzzi; Rachel and Brittany followed after; trying to offer comforting words which made no difference to Santana's mindset which was clearly focused on Quinn's constant need to involve Beth into everything.

Quinn rubbed her eye, as she sat down, pouring some iced tea in two glasses; Noah's eyes were reading the letter, after another minute or so, Noah placed it down.

"Was she right?" Quinn asked, fearful of the answer; Noah immediately shook his head, his features had changed a lot since high school; his tired expression only summed up by his rough hands which grabbed Quinn's free one.

"You did nothing wrong." Noah said softly, Quinn nodded; "In fact, I think San's jealous. We have a child together; you two don't."

Quinn nodded; feeling as Noah ran his callous fingers over the back of her hand.

"Jealousy? It's not really Santana. She gets angry, hurt... But jealous." Quinn said

"The only thing you said she got mad at was Beth. Your child. Emphasise on the child." Noah said

Quinn pulled her hand free; and grabbed the jug of iced tea, placing it back in the fridge; she closed it, and turned round when she felt something on her back. Meeting Noah's eyes; Quinn kinked her eyebrow in silent question.

"You and Lopez eh? When did this happen?" Noah asked, with a teasing smirk

"In college." Quinn answered

"When we were-" Noah said

"After I finished it." Quinn said

"So you broke up with me for her?" Noah said; with a surprised expression; "I bet your relationship has been so fucking happy."

"You don't know what it's been like." Quinn said

"Tell me then." Noah said, edging closer to her; "We were good together, Quinn. You kissed me before graduation, and you came after me before college..."

Quinn nodded softly, as her teeth pressed into her bottom lip; the feeling immediately being replaced by warm lips.

"What the hell do you thing you're doing?" Quinn snapped pushing Noah away; who looked surprised; "I called you for help, for my wife. Which was obviously a mistake."

"Hey! I didn't realise; I thought you were flirting." Noah said, before taking his seat; taking a long sip of his tea, he placed his glass down; "She's jealous. Which is what Lopez is; whether you admit it or not."

Quinn nodded, and resumed her seat, sipping her drink; the door opened, and closed.

"I'm home." Santana called out; as she hung up her jacket and took her shoes off; Quinn walked over to her; Santana met her eyes; "Hey, about this morning..."

"Hey San." Noah called out, before walking out of the kitchen; "Quinn called me." Noah added, answering Santana's silent question, Noah placed his arm around Quinn's neck.

"Why?" Santana asked

"I just told you-" Noah said

"I wasn't asking you." Santana snapped, before turning to Quinn; who looked nervous.

"I was freaking out the other night. I called Noah... To help." Quinn said; "This morning... It just... Seemed like a good idea at the time."

"You're freaking out so you decide to call the most dense person ever? The one person who I can't stand to even be in the same room as!" Santana said, Santana laughed, "Oh this is precious. Please inform me of what you talked about."

"You." Noah said, beating Quinn to speak; his anger was only rising from Santana's harsh behaviour towards him; "How jealous you are over me and Quinn's child."

"It's Quinn and I's child... but I forgot you didn't get accept into college." Santana snapped; "I'm not jealous... Actually I am; I am so jealous that I don't have a child, I never see... and never can see. Wow, father of the year! I wonder how many other kids you have lying around; whose mothers' didn't bother telling you!"

Noah gritted his teeth; his obvious anger was now clearly showing.

"Fuck you." Noah said

Santana laughed

"Looks like your pathetic attempt of fucking Shelby to see Beth was useless; just like the rest of your life." Santana spat at Noah

"San, don't do this." Quinn said, trying to prevent an argument which would otherwise take place; Santana snapped her attention to Quinn who was standing by the side.

"You're really doing that? Sticking up for him over me?" Santana asked in disbelief, watching as Noah smirked smugly

"I'm not, San. I'm not." Quinn said, moving closer towards Santana

"You're an idiot, Quinn. The more you keep him around, the less you keep me." Santana said

"Okay, you're right. Noah hasn't helped." Quinn said

"Did you really think that he would help? The guy is a drug dealer, Quinn. Hardly a career!" Santana snapped; "Has he come on to you yet? Believe me, the only reason he came round was for sex. And what he hasn't got it; he will leave, just like high school!"

Noah laughed

"You're such a jealous bitch." Noah snapped

"Get the hell out of my house, Noah. Or I'll call the police." Santana snapped

Noah laughed, fuelling Santana's anger.

"With Pleasure, Bye Quinn." Noah said before walking out, he closed the door behind him; Santana looked at Quinn before walking upstairs.

Quinn walked after her; watching as Santana was looking for some clean clothes.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called Noah. I should have known he woulsn't help." Quinn said

"Puck, Quinn? Really? You ring him to help me! Clearly you no nothing about me!" Santana said

"It's been 9 years." Quinn said trying to justify

"Exactly; 9 years since I've seen him. Why would I want to see him? I hate him." Santana snapped, her chest heaving with her angry words; " Maybe you like him, don't know why. He ruined your life."

Santana breathed out heavily; "If you wanna see him, tell me now."

"I don't." Quinn said firmly

"Really?" Santana said, looking disbelievingly at Quinn; Quinn nodded; she scoffed lightly before letting her eyes fall from Quinn's; Quinn swallowed the tears which were threatening to fall.

"He sometimes asks about Beth." Quinn breathed out quickly, wanting Santana to know nothing but platonic relations was occurring.

"So you've been talking to your ex for how long?" Santana asked, her forehead crinkling in anger

"Does it matter it?" Quinn asked; "I wouldn't cheat with Puck."

"Of course it matters, Quinn!" Santana snapped; "You cheated on me before... There's nothing stopping you doing it again. I just... I don't know whether I want to stick around to watch it happen again... actually to live through it again."

"Nothing is; but I haven't." Quinn said; "I love you, San. I wouldn't hurt you again."

"You've hurt me enough, Q. And I don't know what to do anymore. I thought I was fighting for you; but... Now all it seems is that I'm fighting you, Quinn!" Santana said softly, she stepped away from Quinn before rubbing her hands together, "You act so fucking superior to everyone else, and you're not, Quinn..."

Quinn nodded

"You're so messed up... and I don't know how to fix you... but Puck does. He did it in high school right? One magical kiss; and you forget how he left you to go through pregnancy alone; how he ignored you for Shelby... He's... He's the same jerk he's always been, Quinn." Santana murmured, her tone more scratchy than raspy.

"I want my wife back." Quinn said softly

"And she's gone." Santana said firmly, "I have no idea who you are, Quinn. But you aren't who I fell in love with... My Quinn wouldn't even have Noah's number! Which proves a lot actually... Clearly you have... Some soft spot for him. Whether it's his charming personality or his great father qualities.."

Quinn bit her bottom lip; she looked to the ground.

"What happens now?" Quinn asked

"Life moves on, Q." Santana murmured softly; before leaning down, and pulling out a packed suitcase from underneath the bed; Quinn's eyes flickered from the suitcase to Quinn, "I knew we wouldn't work out." Santana added softly, before walking passed her.

Quinn stood statuary, opening breaking out of her haze when the front door slammed shut.

_Then the fire fades away; but most of everyday is full of tired excuses. But it's too hard to say, I wish it were simple... but we give up easily..._


	13. Yours, Ours, Mine

Thanks for all reviews, I was meant to upload this earlier but I was revising for my exams. Thank fully they are finished now; so I will be uploading much quicker now.

25 January 2021

Quinn was sat in her office, typing up the latest article; she had to produced for friday. Her eyes red-rimmed and clearly showing signs of extreme tiredness. Quinn reached for her mug, and sipped the lasts of her coffee.

Quinn leaned back and closed her eyes, she felt so exhausted; she couldn't reach Santana; she had received letters from the lawyers, about their divorce. It was all too much.

Quinn logged off her laptop; and grabbed her jacket, she pulled it on, tugging her hat on which Santana had bought her previously; and walked out.

Quinn climbed into her car; and began driving home, she clicked on Brittany's name on her phone; before pressing speaker-phone.

"Hello?" Brittany answered happily

"Britt, is she there?" Quinn asked

"No, Q." Brittany replied, she sighed deeply, "You know I can't tell you." Brittany said, hoping Quinn would leave the situation alone.

"We were the trinity before you and San became best friends. You owe me!" Quinn said loudly, hating how easily angered she was without Santana around.

Brittany bit her bottom lip; she wondered what to do and whether she was being fair on Quinn. Brittany shook her head; she knew she wasn't, but her defence was that she was closer to Santana and that her loyalities did lie with Santana than Quinn. They were best friends, but she had always been close to Quinn. The distinction was hard to define when both sides wanted different things.

"She's in California." Brittany said

Quinn rubbed her eyes; she cleared her throat.

"When did she go there?" Quinn asked

"A few days ago. She's looking for apartments, for that new job thingy. She's starting next month." Brittany replied; "She asked me not to tell you. I just... I didn't want to be in the middle anymore."

"You should have told me before. I could have stopped her from accepting!" Quinn snapped, her voice displaying her hurt rather than her anger.

"She didn't want to be stopped! After everything; it seems like a good idea." Brittany said softly, "I mean she has nothing rooted here, Q."

"Me! She has me!" Quinn said; "I'm here, I've done nothing for her to leave."

"It's not working, Q. Respect it; and move on, San's trying. She left the state for you. So you didn't have to prove to everyone that... You're not some broken toy, that it is possible for you to love someone. She... She's not trying to hurt you. She just wants everything to stop. Just stop fighting Quinn... before you forget what you're actually fighting for." Brittany said, before hanging up.

Quinn threw the headset on the floor; before parking into the driveway. Quinn stumbled into her house, and dropped her keys on the side table; looking round it all seemed empty without Santana. Santana Lopez. Who knew that Quinn Fabray would be hopelessly missing Santana Lopez?

Quinn shook all thoughts of Santana being happy in California, and focused on memories of Santana being happy with her.

She needed her back.

Doubts were already settling into Quinn's plan to win Santana back. Was it fair on Santana to have Quinn continue to fight for her; then to give up so easily when she had her?

Quinn tossed and turned; she needed to give Santana up for good. Love hurt, and her failed marriage proved that, needlessly to say the rest of her relationships proved that love wasn't her friend.

Santana felt her phone vibrated, rolling onto her side, she picked it up, and opened the new message.

'I'm done. You're free - Q.'

Santana honestly didn't know which emotion came first, the instant pain from losing Quinn, or the peace of no more fighting, battling to get nothing in return. Santana deleted the message and rolled back to her orginal position, falling to sleep easily now Quinn took the pressure off.

Love. Quinn laughed at the notion. She was 28, and she could honestly say that she had only been in love once in the life. Her high school was filled with bad decisions and even worse mistakes; secretly pining after her friend, who barely paid any attention to her and was too busy falling in love with her best friend. Quinn would laugh at the amount of times she felt jealous over the attention Santana gave Brittany. But whatever, Quinn moved onto other things, focusing on getting her social status up by any means possible.

Quinn rubbed her tired eyes, and pressed her phone to her ear.

"Hello?" Her tired voiced echoed slightly, although her ears were slightly distorted due to being woken up.

"Never can say good bye. Clearly a lie, huh Fabray?" Santana's voice sounded its way to Quinn's ears, light and fresh; Quinn couldn't help but smile.

"I'm not saying good bye; I'm saying that... I've accepted that I ruined us, you... I'm sorry." Quinn said, pulling herself into a sitting position; "How is California?"

"It's beautiful." Santana said, before the silence took their place; Santana exhaled softly; "I was going to tell you."

"When? Once you moved there!" Quinn said

Santana could feel Quinn's anger. She released her breathe, and stood up, walking onto the edge of her balcony as she asked when Brittany had told her.

"After work... I called to ask again; and she told me the truth." Quinn said, "So I had Britt to talk to; and you stopped that. Then I had Rach to talk to; and you stopped that as well."

"I didn't stop either of them. Brittany doesn't like what you do to people." Santana replied, "Rach will always be there for you."

"She called me once since you left." Quinn said

"So call her! She's got a heavy life, Quinn." Santana said; "You're not the only one whose life is falling apart around them."

Quinn tried to let Santana's words sink in; she sighed before hearing Santana clear her throat.

"I'm gonna be late for an apartment showing, so I should go." Santana said

"Good luck." Quinn said, before hanging up the phone, she placed her phone down and crinkled her nose. Repeating good luck. She shook her head, and tried to forget how she wished she had said anything else.

Santana walked around the large bedroom, seeing the appeal for a 2700 dollar a month rent; she couldn't help but miss sharing the rent, or rather mortgage. Santana quickly signed the tentancy agreement, after a second viewing; she knew the apartment would be good enough.

Quinn drove towards Rachel and Brittany's place, she parked behind Brittany's broken up Volvo, before walking towards the front door, and she knocked her knuckles along the wooden frame.

"Why, hello Quinn." Blaine said softly, Quinn turned round for the voice, and met Blaine's presence walking front the garden; "Everyone's in the garden."

Quinn followed him to the garden, she was thankful he didn't badger her with questions. Blaine resumed his seat next to Kurt who smiled at Quinn, before she went directly to Rachel.

"Hey Quinn." Rachel said, pulling her into a tight hug, "How is everything?"

"Crap." Quinn said, before laughing humourlessly, "I guess I should be happy; that at least her career's still in one piece."

Rachel smiled softly, her fingers gently rubbing Quinn's arm.

"Let's talk inside." Rachel suggested, before following Quinn inside; they took a seat around the dining table; "So California's still going ahead?"

"She's viewing apartments. She had the pleasure of telling me that herself." Quinn said, "I just... I hate my life without her."

"Quinn, this is nothing but a minor setback. You belong together." Rachel said

"I remember saying that about her and Britt." Quinn said, resting her head on the palm of her head, "I don't know if I should fight."

"Quinn, it's your decision." Rachel said; "I think maybe you both need some time apart before you can move along with your relationship."

"I said I was done, Rach. I told Santana that I was pretty much not going to fight anymore..." Quinn said, licking her lips to moisten them, "When I knew it was a complete lie. I'm never gonna let her go."

Rach smiled happily, she squeezed Quinn's hand tightly.

"Oh Quinn! No one wanted you to give up." Rachel said, "Everyone wants you and San together."

Quinn laughed breathlessly, "Everyone but Santana."

Rachel rolled her eyes, "Santana loves you, Quinn. No one finds their one true love in college or before. Seriously, I thought I loved Finn. You thought you loved Finn. Those relationships where you fight for them, and you don't actually care if you're with them as long as no one steals them from you."

Quinn nodded, her eyes flickering from the table, to Rachel's eyes.

"Before you say another lovely speech about Santana. The four of us are going out tonight, you should come." Rachel said

"I don't know, Rach. Hanging around two couples, is just sad." Quinn replied

"We're hitting that new club, something something, I can't remember; what I will remember is you having a good time, for once since this whole drama kicked off." Rachel said

"She's right, you know!" Brittany said, walking into the kitchen, she grabbed a bottle of water before attacking Quinn, with a tight hug, "I'm sorry, Quinn."

Quinn smiled, rubbed her fingers along Brittany's back; Brittany pulled back, and kissed Quinn's cheek.

"You need to stop. Just stop, please." Brittany said, "You both need some time apart. Just accept that, Q."

"Is that what Santana wants?" Quinn asked

"I think you both need this." Brittany replied, "Just give it a week or two... And when you're both calm, try and sort this out."

Quinn nodded, and Brittany smiled.

"Are you gonna come out tonight? We're gonna go for dinner and then hit a club." Brittany said

"Yeah, I'll come." Quinn said, Brittany nodded, and ran her fingers through Quinn's hair, brushing it from her face.

"I'll text you the details. I think this will be really good for you." Brittany said, "To just let loose for one night."

Quinn rubbed her hands together, she then made an excuse to leave. Quinn arrived home, and was looking for an outfit for tonight. Her phone beeped with a message from Rachel.

At around 7, Quinn walked into the restaurent, she found Rachel and Blaine, and took a seat next to them.

"Hey, you look great." Blaine said, giving Quinn a quick kiss on the cheek, "Britt is just freshing up with Kurt."

Quinn smiled before sitting back down, she ordered her meal with Rachel and Blaine who both ordered for Brittany and Kurt as well. Quinn was talking to Blaine about Santana, when Kurt and Brittany returned.

The meal went fairly comfortable for Quinn; she didn't feel like a third wheel; or guilty for having fun when her marriage had failed and she had lost the best thing she had in her life.

Quinn was feeling quite buzzed after an hour or two at the club; she was walking back from the bath room, when she felt someone touch her arm, she turned around and met Charlotte.

"Hey." Quinn said softly, stepping out of a passerby's way; Charlotte smiled

"Hey, how's Santana? I've called her a few times; we spoke for a little bit. Are you.. Working it out still?" Charlotte asked

"Um no... San's moving to California, alone." Quinn said, looking around at the people who were surrounding them; Charlotte hummed.

"That sucks. You seemed... Great together." Charlotte said with a soft smile; Quinn nodded.

"Well, I haven't gave up on her yet." Quinn said

"That's good then. San's lucky to have you." Charlotte said

Quinn laughed humourlessly, "I'm sure San doesn't consider herself lucky... In fact even I wouldn't say that. I've pretty much fucked her life up. Right from the beginning."

Charlottle bit her bottom lip, she looked from Quinn to her empty glass.

"You need to talk to her, Quinn. It isn't fair for her to run away... When things get too much for her." Charlotte said

"I don't see it like running away. I've made so many mistakes, and I'm not sure that even I would forgive it." Quinn replied honestly; "San deserves the best, and I can only offer the basic... I actually need to go, Charlotte."

Charlotte nodded, and said goodbye before leaning in, and lightly hug Quinn before they walked different directions.

Quinn walked outside and leaned against the wall outside the club, she closed her eyes for a few seconds before rubbing her temple as her buzz was wearing off. She pulled her phone out, and pressed one on her speed dial; she smiled before pressing it to her ear.

After a few rings, it was answered with a sleep filled "hello?".

"I... I love you so much." Quinn said, she looked around the club, before focusing on the light breathing she could hear in the background, "I'm so sorry, San. I just... I need you so fucking bad. You... You're the best part of me. I don't want Beth, or Puck... Or anyone else; as long as I have you."

"Quinn, have you been drinking?" Santana asked, her concern about Quinn being drunk alone.

"I'm not drunk, San. You know me, you know this is true. You know how much i love you." Quinn said

Santana remained silent; Quinn could hear her breathing, and even checked her phone to see if the call was still happening.

"I made a mistake, calling Puck. But... It didn't justify you leaving!" Quinn exclaimed strongly

"I had to go, Quinn. If I stay, I'll just end up hating you... And I never wanna do that." Santana said, she cleared her throat and Quinn hear some shuffling about until it stopped; "Remember what you said to me and Britt; in senior year... You said people grow apart, deal with it."

"I never meant it, San. It was high school." Quinn said, "You can't hold it against me."

"You need to deal with it, Quinn. One day you'll meet your soul mate, and all this... It'll be irrelevant." Santana said, before hanging up.

Quinn bit her lip, trying to stop the tears which were threatening to fall; Quinn sniffled as she heard the resounding beep of the disconnected phone line.

_Was it all a joke, never had control; I'm not better on my own..._


	14. Coming to an agreement

Thanks for all reviews, alerts etc. Enjoy this chapter. I will post the next chapter tomorrow in the afternoon as I have work in the morning. Another thank you to everyone who is reading this story. I do appreciate feedback as well.

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26th January 2021 

Soul Mate.

One definition of a soul mate is "One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity"; Another is "someone for whom you have a deep affinity."

Plato stated that a soulmate was one soul in two bodies. Soulmates doesn't always have to be a sexual relationship but can be a plantonic one as well.

Quinn was sitting in the front room, her legs set wide apart, as different photographs were scattered around in between them. She had literally found every photograph she had of her and Santana; from their friendship to their relationship, all the journey in between. From meeting in middle school, to Cheerio camps. Quinn couldn't help but love how their relationship was so unexpected, and yet so needed.

"What happened to us, San?" Quinn pondered as she watched through photographs that their hand holds were a little looser, their eyes weren't even on each other as time went on. Quinn didn't want to lose Santana.

That was clear. In her eyes, her actions, Quinn was trying so hard to keep hold of Santana and what was left of their relationship that in turn she was only losing her more easily.

Biting on the inside of her cheek, Quinn finished her letter. Her last letter. She promised herself that she would wrote one last letter and then let fate lead her.

Santana was sitting in Brittany and Rachel's kitchen, running her fingers through her hair as she read through a document. She grabbed her iced tea and sighed at the empty mug; just as she was about to stand up and make herself some more, the door bell rang.

Santana placed the mug down, on the table once more, and made her way to the front door, she flipped the lock off and opened it. Her annoyed eyes at being disturbed were quickly replaced with a softer shade of love.

"Quinn." Santana murmured her name, Quinn smiled at the way her name always felt when Santana said it, "You look... Wet. Come inside." Santana added upon seeing Quinn drenched.

Santana allowed Quinn inside, and grabbed her a towel to dry herself as she took off her shoes and coat. Thankfully, none of her other clothes were wet.

"Thanks." Quinn said, wiping her towel against her face, she then felt a hand grab her wrist; Quinn allowed Santana to take the towel, and she began drying her middle length hair.

"Did you come to see Britt or Rach? Because they're both working." Santana said, as she ran her fingers through Quinn's hair, tugging out any knots, she glanced at Quinn's face, and her eyes were closed, "Quinn?." She murmured, knocking Quinn out of her haze.

"I came to see you." Quinn said softly, she turned around, and pulled a letter out; she saw how Santana looked pained with the notion of reading another letter. Quinn assumed that Santana thought that she would end up feeling A) insulted, B) Angry, or C) both.

Quinn placed the letter into Santana's hand, watching as her expression didn't change but she did take it.

"It's... I want you to know that I love you, I love you so much. And I will always be waiting for you." Quinn said, "If I had any wish, San. It's that you'd always be mine."

Quinn leaned forward, and at the last possible second, she tilted her head and pecked Santana's cheek for a few seconds longer than normal.

"I'll see you." Quinn said, before tugging her shoes and coat on quickly; Santana grabbed Quinn's wrist, she passed her an umbrella; "Oh.. Thanks."

Santana smiled, and Quinn walked out, closed the door behind them; Santana looked at Quinn's blurrly figure retreating from the door, and then back to the letter.

She walked to the stairs, which was the nearest available place to sit; and took a seat on the bottom step.

"Here we go." Santana thought before she unfolded the paper and released a shaky breath.

_Santana, _

_I know you're reading this probably fed up; that I won't let things lie; that I won't let you go. It's not that I won't San, it's that I can't. I can't let go, because I can't live without you. _

_You came into my life again, when I needed someone, when I needed saving; I just didn't realise it. But I realise it now. _

_You are the good in me, I don't think we ever acknowledged that. You were honest, you have always been honest about you. How messed up you were. I'm messed up too, baby. So badly._

_I think it started before Beth, I got messed up way before then. Just no one noticed or cared. You did, you and Britt. And I sent you both away, again._

_I know you still love me; and I wanna make this work. I'll do anything to make this work. Please just don't leave me again. _

_I'll be waiting._

_I will always love you, Santana Lopez _

_Yours, _

_Quinn Fabray-Lopez. _

Regret filled Santana instantly as she read the letter; she hated herself for always running away when things got tough, But that was all she was taught. She ran away in Lima, and In California. The only place she was really herself was New York, and now she was running away from there as things got bad.

Swallowing the doubts that were filling up inside; Santana grabbed her car keys and walked out, she quickly climbed into her car, to avoided getting soaked.

Santana drove down the familiar path, waving gently at old neighbours, as she turned into the driveway, and got out; she rushed to the door, and stood up the arc of the front door porch. Ringing the bell, Santana licked her lips nervously, her body was humming with a sickness of nerves, and of exictement for doing something so spontaneous.

Quinn padded down the stairs, and unlocked the door, pulling it back, her expression went from one of indifferent to sheer shock at Santana being on her doorstep.

"Wwhat are you doing here?" Quinn nervously stuttered out; Santana stepped closer.

"I needed to see you." Santana said, Santana looked from the ground to Quinn; "Did you mean what you wrote in the letter?"

Quinn nodded quickly, once realising she hadn't answered, mumbled a fast 'yes' about 4 times.

"I love you, Quinn." Santana murmured softly, as she caught Quinn's eyes; Santana leaned forward and pressed her lips to Quinn's.

As if time stopped, Quinn and Santana seemed to forget about the rest of the world, as they kissed each other back with a passion undealt with over the past weeks. Santana let her hand fall from Quinn's hair, as she pecked Quinn's lips back before pulling back.

"Before, you say anything; I need to tell you something." Quinn started, her tone evidently were nerves and what Santana could easily see as disappointment; "My parents are coming to New York. They wanna meet us for Dinner. Apparently your mom... Told them about the miscarriage. They felt obiglated to 'comfort' us in our time of loss. You don't have to go."

Santana's expression dropped, she looked as if that was the last thing she expected Quinn to say. An awkward silence overcame them.

_I chime in with a Haven't you people ever heard closing a goddamn door, no it's much better to face these kind of things with a sense of posioned rationality. _


End file.
